![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
chavalah.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
scifi_rewatchMan oh man. I mean, after the awesomeness that we just got through with the Debt series, I can see why some fans are annoyed with this. The rift takes a back seat for the first time in a long while, Lucy is largely absent (FemPop claims that these “Xena-lite” episodes allowed her to do some publicity for the show,) and Joxer, a divisive character to say the least, takes center stage.
The episode was directed by Bruce Campbell, so of course Autolycus, partial inspiration for the title, is also present. It’s the first time that we’ve seen him and Ted Raimi’s Joxer (and etc…) play against each other, but in real life they are far more familiar with one another. Campbell and Ted’s older brother, Sam (who was also, you know, a “Xena” producer) have collaborated on a lot of projects, perhaps most famously “The Evil Dead” series.
I find myself a fan of this hour. It doesn’t necessarily transcend the show’s camp, unlike some of our recent fare, but Campbell and Raimi do have some great comedic chemistry. Add in Renee as the straight girl, theatrically speaking, and it’s enough to keep my interest. It almost made me think of watching a live show (Ted Raimi kind of put me in that frame of mind after the commentaries where he mentioned that all of the castle sets, interior and exterior, were on a studio lot,) something vaudevillian and physically clever in execution. Just not so deep when it comes to overall story development, nope.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
The story is relatively simple. It follows the time when Cleopatra VII was exiled and in conflict with her brother/husband, Ptolemy, for the throne. True to “Xenaverse” fashion, the producers insert one of our characters into history; Ptolemy, through Cleopatra’s devious head of security, Pomtius, hires Joxer’s brother, Jett, to assassinate the queen. (In real life, civil war took over until Caesar deposed Ptolemy and placed his lover, Cleopatra, back on the throne…I think it’s safe to assume that the show’s Caesar is too obsessed with Xena for all of that humdrum. ;D Or maybe he’ll sort off his Egyptian plans for world domination off screen. I miss Karl Urban. Moving on!) Jett hires Autolycus to steal a sword from a warlord to do the deed (though Atolycus doesn’t know what deed will be done; he just likes to steal stuff in Mission Impossible style. :P) A whoosh critic believes that the sword bit is a bit ridiculous—why do they need a rando’s sword to kill Cleopatra? Are swords registered in Xenaverse’s Ancient Greece? Eh; I don’t think we need to go full on CSI: Miramus (apparently where this episode is located…back in Greece at last!) for someone to recognize a fancy sword, and also that it was stolen (and it’s owner murdered.) And seeing that Autolycus is the King of Thieves…perfect diversion for Jett. (Fun fact; Ted Raimi claimed in the DVD commentary that this assassin sword was special made for the episode, and that it sold for a boatload of money at a “Xena” convention. But according to a Whoosh contributor, Cleopatra’s dagger was also from “The Dagger of Helios.” :P If that’s not a point in favor of the warlord’s sword being especially unique, teehee.)
There’s also a lot of griping over Gabrielle’s plan. Meh, not sure I get the criticism. Fans are hard on Gabrielle this season. I suppose, going by Xena’s logic, they should have confronted Cleopatra directly about Jett, which would mean going through her security…and wuddaya know, Pontius is a mole. Certainly makes sense for Ptolemy to have someone on the inside, and our main characters couldn’t know who that might be. Either way they would have ended up in jail…except with Gabrielle’s plan it’s because Autolycus is a perv who closes the window/cuts off the rope that Joxer is swinging on so that he can get a good look at Cleopatra disrobing. Or I guess Xena would say to sneak around the guards in order to talk to Cleopatra directly (so long as it’s Gabs doing the talking) which is pretty feasible on this show, so eh. At least Gabby was able to knock out the guard in order to escape her jail cell, but first, for some crazy reason, she apparently thought she could administer “the pinch.” Oy, what this show pulls for comedy. :P
Campbell and Raimi amped up Autolycus and Joxer’s dislike for each other with alacrity, as well as the general whoopsey-do over whether the king of thieves was talking to Joxer or Jett. Ted also had a couple of one-on-one scenes with…himself; he was apparently able to do a lot of improvisation, which is especially surprising since he had to film things twice! I guess once he decided on the ad lib, it was locked in. :P I have a feeling that many people were non-plussed by Jett in particular, who is certainly not a “serious” warlord (nor is the whole idea of Joxer’s supposedly badass family; his mom making up mocking “Joxer the Mighty” lyrics sounds more ridiculous than anything. And keep an eye out for that brother-Jace namedrop in season five’s “Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire!”) Jett’s attitude with Joxer is pretty jocular, not too threatening (though damn, that wedgie looked like it could cause serious damage. :P) I admit…when I first watched this episode in the nineties, I took it way too seriously, because I had a thing with bullying. And I hoped Jett would be back for continuity and Joxer’s arc…probably a good thing that this did not come to pass. :P But in a small way, in this episode, Joxer does experience some growth. He stands up for what he believes in, he puts himself in harm’s way, and even brother Jett commends him for that. It’s lways nice to get that validation from your family, especially this being Joxer’s family. :P
While Joxer is off dealing with family, Autolycus’s journey strays more towards romance. :P Cleopatra is commandeered by Gina Torres, and there’s a woman who can exude self-confident sexiness; the euphemisms that pass between her and the king of thieves can rival the three stooges humor (one of Campbell’s favorites. :P) Gina only appears as Cleopatra this one time (the role is sadly given to another actress when the character comes back into play,) though according to the wiki, she had a recurring part on “Hercules” as Nebula. I, of course, will always remember Gina primarily as Zoe on the kickass show, “Firefly,” but I was amused when Raimi’s commentary reminded me that she’d also played on “Cleopatra 2525.” :P Anywho. Speaking of some fandom disagreement, FemPop and a wiki commentator on Cleopatra’s character page have different ideas when it came to her race. Ancient Egyptians are generally assumed to be dark skinned (African, after all,) but Cleopatra’s family had long and inbred lineage in Macedonian Greek origins, and not ethnically Egyptian. But no matter how history shakes down, I think there’s no denying that Gina brought something special to this performance (the character really popped off the screen for me personally), and we are all fortunate to have her brought to our collective attention.
Other odds and ends—there were a few things this ep that I didn’t like. Ridiculously vague set-up scene to explain Xena’s absence, and why exactly did Joxer buy Jett’s exact outfit before even knowing the bro was around anyway? Plot contrivance. :P Also, according to Ted…Bruce glues on his Atolycus chest hair?! Yikes. Ted got to do his first, actual substantial fighting on the show, but it took him days to learn the blocking. Lucy, meanwhile, apparently learned hers within a manner of minutes. I guess that makes sense, given the regular physicality of her role. A whoosh commentator noticed that the armoire that Atolycus hid behind was from another episode… “Warrior…Priestess…Tramp.” And in the commentary, Ted mentioned the big-ass warehouse filled with yards of “Xena” props—from weapons to huge set pieces like the Cleopatra bathtub. Man, being in that warehouse probably felt like being in “The Matrix.” :P
And finally…I mean, they barely have any time together this hour, but how can’t I spare some love for our girls? The relative easygoingness that passes between Xena and Gabs this hour also puts some fans off, though for my thinking, they’re still in the dark about each other’s secrets. Xena thinks that Hope is dead and Gabrielle thinks that Ming Tien is alive. :P The Rift is on a mini-sabbatical, perhaps for the show to take a breather from all of the dramatic stuff. Though I also noticed how Xena and Gabs seemed to revert some—Gabrielle is the most ok with violence than she has been since killing Meridian. And Xena seems to find particular pleasure in making sure that Jett can’t be killed, only imprisoned for life. I kind of wonder if all of this is intentional; Gabrielle is starting to heal, and Xena wants to return to a more hopeful life. If only it were so easy for both of them to deny what they’ve done. I’m getting into spoilery territory, but…what goes around comes around. As campy as this show can be, “The Rift” really honors that truth.
Disclaimer Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was slightly uncomfortable but not seriously harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Favorite Quotes:
*Xena pops in…Xena pops out*
Xena: I'll pay for the chicken. Joxer, go into town; tell Gabrielle I've gone to Parsipedus.
Joxer: Xena, it's only a matter of time. These hands are lethal weapons, and there is no telling what they might do.
Xena: Joxer, you can barely kill time. It's just not you. Good boy.
*the first time Atolycus mistakes Joxer for Jett*
Autolycus: No hard feelings?
Joxer: No.
Autolycus: We're both professionals, of course.
Joxer: Sure!
Autolycus: You go your way, and I'll go mine.
Joxer: But first, you're gonna tell me how dangerous I am.
Autolycus: Ah, well, I certainly know that the people you're hired to take care of always manage to, uh-- go away.
Joxer: Yeah.
Autolycus: And that, uh-- just being around you is very, um-- dangerous.
Joxer: Yeah-- as a matter of fact, danger is my middle name-- 'D-A-N-J--aaahhhhhhh! *Gabriells grabs his ear*
Gabrielle: Three hours, Joxer. I waited for you for three hours-- with a bunch of drunken, horny half-wits!
Joxer: Ow!
Gabrielle: I have been grabbed more times than the golden fleece!
*Joxers folks are like the Addams family*
Gabrielle: I guess it would-- would be hard-- knowing that your brother is an assassin.
Joxer: You don't know the half of it! My whole life's been, 'Jett stole some horses; Jett torched a village; Jett killed the neighbors.' My parents were so proud.
Autolycus: Whoa-- back up. They were proud of the black sheep of the family?
Joxer: No, I'm the black sheep. My father's a warlord. My mother's a warlord's wife. My whole family's like that. But, Jett-- how do you compete with an over-achiever like that?
*Autolycus’s M.O.*
Autolycus: All right, let me get this straight. You want me to sneak the murder weapon into a castle, to stop his lunatic brother from assassinating someone we don't even know, for no gain whatsoever?
Gabrielle: Exactly.
Autolycus: I don't think so-- I'm not as dumb as he looks.
Joxer: Yeah, I'm not half as d--
Gabrielle: Autolycus, an innocent person is going to die.
Autolycus: No he isn't, because he's leaving. Goodbye.
Gabrielle: If Jett is not captured, he'll know you ran out on him, and he'll hunt you down.
Autolycus: That's a risk I'll happily take.
Gabrielle: It's a chance to do something really good.
Autolycus: Hah.
Gabrielle: And get a big reward.
Autolycus: Oh, she had to say the "R" word. Ahh.
*Joxer and Autolycus establish their rhythm*
Gabrielle: The security must be here because Jett's target has arrived.
Autolycus: Ah-hah.
Joxer: Huh.
Autolycus: Could be.
Joxer: Yeah.
Autolycus: Mmm.
Joxer: Mmm.
Autolycus: There's a concept called personal space. Look into it.
Joxer: Hey, I'm just trying to broaden my knowledge. You might be the King of Thieves, but I am Master of Mayhem. There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know.
Autolycus: Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace?
Joxer: OK. First--
Autolycus: Why exactly is he here?
Gabrielle: He knows Jett.
Autolycus: No, in a grander sense. Why is he here?
*season one callback! Maybe this is why some folks think this plan is too amateur*
Autolycus: So, you're saying this is what Xena would do.
Gabrielle: Oh, yes-- mostly-- probably. Look-- she did the same thing when she had to sneak a baby into King Gregor's castle.
Joxer: King Gregor was killed by a baby?
*the old sexual harassment gag*
Joxer: I know what we're gonna do. We're gonna get that guard, knock him out, drag him into the woods, take his uniform, and sneak into the castle-- right?
Autolycus: Yeah-- something like that. Hey, you've got strong hands.
Joxer: Sure-- like a killer.
Autolycus: All right, Killer, here. Hold your hand out like that.
Joxer: Like that?
Autolycus: Yeah-- like you're gonna grab something really hard.
Joxer: Like that?
Autolycus: You ready?
Joxer: Yeah--
Autolycus: Yeah, now grab!
Woman: *as Joxer grabs her ass, she screams*
*you and me both, Autolycus*
Lady-in-Waiting: Your bath is ready, Queen Cleopatra.
Autolycus: Cleopatra? Ho! I've died and gone to Olympus.
*some set-up exposition*
Pontius: You wish to see me, my Queen?
Cleopatra: Yes. I am impatient, Pontius. I have been here three days and yet, no one has come.
Pontius: The invitations were only sent out yesterday. By dusk tomorrow, you will have your choice of armies.
Cleopatra: I want the best. My future is riding on this.
Pontius: Ptolemy is sure to know where you are by now.
Cleopatra: There can be no reconciliation with my brother. Ptolemy has stolen my throne. I am the rightful ruler of Egypt-- by birth and by the will of the people.
*Autolycus is a quick thinker when Cleopatra finds him out*
Cleopatra: I don't waste my time with bad thieves.
Autolycus: Bad thie-- ? I'll have you know, I am the King of-- security for my boss, who's a great warrior-- who happens to have more than a passing interest in your charms-- uh, your charming offer to invade Egypt.
Cleopatra: Go on.
Autolycus: And-- well, I-- check out the security before my boss goes anywhere, and, uh--ha-ha-- I gotta tell ya-- this place is lacking.
Cleopatra: My chief of security is very good at what he does. You must just be very good at what you do.
Autolycus: You don't know the half--
Cleopatra: Still-- give me one good reason why I shouldn't call him now.
Autolycus: "One reason, one reason-- yes, well, uh-- you're looking for the best warrior. I happen to work for the best. Surely you've heard of-- Xena.
*Gabrielle as the straight gal in prison*
Joxer: Ohhhh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I think I bruised my brain. Gabrielle—do you see a bruise here?
Gabrielle: It's just a minor setback. No plan is foolproof.
Joxer: It depends on the fool.
Gabrielle: They're going to question us. We have to get our stories straight.
Joxer: I know, uh-- wait! We can tell them we're circus performers, and we were just rehearsing an act.
Gabrielle: Where does it hurt?
Joxer: Right there. *Gab smacks him there* Ow!
*this episode is kind of dismissive of women!*
Guard: Who's the girl?
Pontius: Oh, he's a man's man. The girl is obvious. She's certainly not here to think.
*Autolycus tries to deter Jett from killing Cleopatra*
Autolycus: Oh, uh-- see-- that's a bad idea. 'Cause, uh, security-- well, it's on high alert--and, uh-- there's guards-- all through the chambers-- and no one-- I mean, no one, gets in to see her.
Guard: Autolycus-- Cleopatra will see you now.
Autolycus: Except me.
Jett: You're good. Once you're inside-- dismiss Cleopatra's guards. That'll be-- my signal-- to strike.
Autolycus: You need help.
*this dialogue could work in a porno :P*
Cleopatra: I hope you don't mind. I find a bath can be quite relaxing during negotiations--unless it distracts you.
Autolycus: Distracts me? Beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub? *laughs* Where was I?
Cleopatra: We were negotiating for your client's services.
Autolycus: Ah, yes-- but I think I should warn you, Cleopatra. I drive a hard bargain.
Cleopatra: Mm-hmm. I think you'll find my offer quite, um-- generous.
Autolycus: No doubt. You certainly have a lot of-- assets.
Cleopatra: Mm-hmm. But, how will I know what you have to offer will satisfy me?
Autolycus: Well, let's just say, I've never had any complaints.
Cleopatra: Mmm.
Autolycus: But I'm reluctant to dive right in. You see, first, I need to know-- when-- where--and how often?
Cleopatra: I'll let you know as soon as you make a firm offer. Are you firm yet, Autolycus?
Autolycus: I don't know. I haven't seen your bottom line.
Cleopatra: Let's put this deal to bed, shall we?
Autolycus: Oooh-- love to.
Cleopatra: Guards! Leave us!
Autolycus: Guards-- leave us! No-- no, wait, uh-- they have to stay. Any business transaction requires-- witnesses.
Cleopatra: Kinky.
*Gabby’s dumb move*
Gabrielle: I've just cut off the flow of blood to your limbs.
Guard: *waves hand*
Gabrielle: The numbness is setting in.
Guard: Nope! I seem to be fine. Don't do that.
*Ted’s fraternal dynamic*
Jett: Come here! You little ugly excuse for a brother! Give me a hug!
Joxer: Oh, Jett, don't! Don't! Ah! Ah, not that! Not the finger! *gets a wet willie* Ow! Cut it out! I know you're after Cleopatra, and I'm not gonna let you do it!
Jett: Make me.
Joxer and Jett: I don't--
Jett: -- have to! Jinx! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! You're a riot, Jox. I don't know how you found out-- but seeing you sure explains a lot. Hey—nice clothes.
Joxer: Thanks.
Jett: Copy-cat. Hey-- is Jace here, too?
Joxer: Don't mention our brother's name in public.
Jett: Oh, yeah-- I forgot. What's that?
Joxer: What? Ow!
Jett: How long has it been? Five years? Six? Let me count the assassinations. That's how I keep track. Ax murder in Athens.
Joxer: I'm serious! Things are different, now. I've seen evil, and I've changed my ways!
Jett: Bro-- if you saw evil-- you'd have to change your pants.
*ta-da-ching*
Jett: Oh-- Joxer, the tidy;
He always inside-ey.
Never hurts the other boys,
Even when they steal his toys. Remember that one?
Joxer: Well, at least Mom sang to me.
*character quirks*
Joxer: Oh, Autolycus. Thank goodness it's you. It's me--Joxer!
Autolycus: How can I be sure?
Joxer: I'm hanging from the wall by my underwear.
Autolycus: Good point.
*after Pontius reveals his true colors*
Gabrielle: Right-- Jett. Your boss realized I knew who you were-- Jett. Hmm-- there's no stopping you now.
Joxer: Why do you keep calling me-- ?
With Autolycus: Jett.
Autolycus: Becuase you're the best assassin, aren't you-- ?
With Gabrielle: Jett.
Joxer-as-Jett: Oh-- oh-- yes, uh -- yes, I am. Ha-ha-ha-ha-- ha-ha-ha. Yes, um-- it was you and I all along! They were just dupes-- in-- my plan. Ha-ha-- hmm. Now-- nothing can stop us!
*exactly! Gab’s plan had merit*
Xena: So, Joxer-- is the only one out there trying to find Jett. Now, I must be missing something, here. Gabrielle, why didn't you just-- go to Cleopatra, and tell her when you knew she was a target?
Autolycus: Ah-- now, Xena, that's easy for you to say. You weren't there. Gabrielle's plan kept Jett off-balance long enough to find a man on the inside-- right?
Gabrielle: Yeah-- that's right-- Pontius.
Autolycus: Pontius, exactly. Now, frankly, I had my doubts that there _was_ a man on the inside, but fortunately, Gabrielle insisted that we follow her plan.
*Cleopatra and Jett say their goodbyes*
Cleopatra: I owe you my life. That's not something I soon forget-- though I don't understand-- why the assassin can't be executed here.
Xena: Sadly, execution isn't recognized here in Miramus. He'll be in prison for life.
Cleopatra: Hmm. Are you ever planning on coming to Egypt, Xena? If you do, send word. I'll plan a reception the world won't soon forget.
Autolycus: *after a smooch* Well-- was that my invitation to Egypt?
Cleopatra: That was a thank you. My real kisses are a bit more-- intense.
Joxer: I'm sorry, Jett.
Jett: No hard feelings. Hey-- I hear they're sending me to prison in Miramus-- give me a chance to catch up with Dad. Joxer-- you got a good thing going here. Don't blow it. Don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you could be-- that includes family.
___
The episode was directed by Bruce Campbell, so of course Autolycus, partial inspiration for the title, is also present. It’s the first time that we’ve seen him and Ted Raimi’s Joxer (and etc…) play against each other, but in real life they are far more familiar with one another. Campbell and Ted’s older brother, Sam (who was also, you know, a “Xena” producer) have collaborated on a lot of projects, perhaps most famously “The Evil Dead” series.
I find myself a fan of this hour. It doesn’t necessarily transcend the show’s camp, unlike some of our recent fare, but Campbell and Raimi do have some great comedic chemistry. Add in Renee as the straight girl, theatrically speaking, and it’s enough to keep my interest. It almost made me think of watching a live show (Ted Raimi kind of put me in that frame of mind after the commentaries where he mentioned that all of the castle sets, interior and exterior, were on a studio lot,) something vaudevillian and physically clever in execution. Just not so deep when it comes to overall story development, nope.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
The story is relatively simple. It follows the time when Cleopatra VII was exiled and in conflict with her brother/husband, Ptolemy, for the throne. True to “Xenaverse” fashion, the producers insert one of our characters into history; Ptolemy, through Cleopatra’s devious head of security, Pomtius, hires Joxer’s brother, Jett, to assassinate the queen. (In real life, civil war took over until Caesar deposed Ptolemy and placed his lover, Cleopatra, back on the throne…I think it’s safe to assume that the show’s Caesar is too obsessed with Xena for all of that humdrum. ;D Or maybe he’ll sort off his Egyptian plans for world domination off screen. I miss Karl Urban. Moving on!) Jett hires Autolycus to steal a sword from a warlord to do the deed (though Atolycus doesn’t know what deed will be done; he just likes to steal stuff in Mission Impossible style. :P) A whoosh critic believes that the sword bit is a bit ridiculous—why do they need a rando’s sword to kill Cleopatra? Are swords registered in Xenaverse’s Ancient Greece? Eh; I don’t think we need to go full on CSI: Miramus (apparently where this episode is located…back in Greece at last!) for someone to recognize a fancy sword, and also that it was stolen (and it’s owner murdered.) And seeing that Autolycus is the King of Thieves…perfect diversion for Jett. (Fun fact; Ted Raimi claimed in the DVD commentary that this assassin sword was special made for the episode, and that it sold for a boatload of money at a “Xena” convention. But according to a Whoosh contributor, Cleopatra’s dagger was also from “The Dagger of Helios.” :P If that’s not a point in favor of the warlord’s sword being especially unique, teehee.)
There’s also a lot of griping over Gabrielle’s plan. Meh, not sure I get the criticism. Fans are hard on Gabrielle this season. I suppose, going by Xena’s logic, they should have confronted Cleopatra directly about Jett, which would mean going through her security…and wuddaya know, Pontius is a mole. Certainly makes sense for Ptolemy to have someone on the inside, and our main characters couldn’t know who that might be. Either way they would have ended up in jail…except with Gabrielle’s plan it’s because Autolycus is a perv who closes the window/cuts off the rope that Joxer is swinging on so that he can get a good look at Cleopatra disrobing. Or I guess Xena would say to sneak around the guards in order to talk to Cleopatra directly (so long as it’s Gabs doing the talking) which is pretty feasible on this show, so eh. At least Gabby was able to knock out the guard in order to escape her jail cell, but first, for some crazy reason, she apparently thought she could administer “the pinch.” Oy, what this show pulls for comedy. :P
Campbell and Raimi amped up Autolycus and Joxer’s dislike for each other with alacrity, as well as the general whoopsey-do over whether the king of thieves was talking to Joxer or Jett. Ted also had a couple of one-on-one scenes with…himself; he was apparently able to do a lot of improvisation, which is especially surprising since he had to film things twice! I guess once he decided on the ad lib, it was locked in. :P I have a feeling that many people were non-plussed by Jett in particular, who is certainly not a “serious” warlord (nor is the whole idea of Joxer’s supposedly badass family; his mom making up mocking “Joxer the Mighty” lyrics sounds more ridiculous than anything. And keep an eye out for that brother-Jace namedrop in season five’s “Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire!”) Jett’s attitude with Joxer is pretty jocular, not too threatening (though damn, that wedgie looked like it could cause serious damage. :P) I admit…when I first watched this episode in the nineties, I took it way too seriously, because I had a thing with bullying. And I hoped Jett would be back for continuity and Joxer’s arc…probably a good thing that this did not come to pass. :P But in a small way, in this episode, Joxer does experience some growth. He stands up for what he believes in, he puts himself in harm’s way, and even brother Jett commends him for that. It’s lways nice to get that validation from your family, especially this being Joxer’s family. :P
While Joxer is off dealing with family, Autolycus’s journey strays more towards romance. :P Cleopatra is commandeered by Gina Torres, and there’s a woman who can exude self-confident sexiness; the euphemisms that pass between her and the king of thieves can rival the three stooges humor (one of Campbell’s favorites. :P) Gina only appears as Cleopatra this one time (the role is sadly given to another actress when the character comes back into play,) though according to the wiki, she had a recurring part on “Hercules” as Nebula. I, of course, will always remember Gina primarily as Zoe on the kickass show, “Firefly,” but I was amused when Raimi’s commentary reminded me that she’d also played on “Cleopatra 2525.” :P Anywho. Speaking of some fandom disagreement, FemPop and a wiki commentator on Cleopatra’s character page have different ideas when it came to her race. Ancient Egyptians are generally assumed to be dark skinned (African, after all,) but Cleopatra’s family had long and inbred lineage in Macedonian Greek origins, and not ethnically Egyptian. But no matter how history shakes down, I think there’s no denying that Gina brought something special to this performance (the character really popped off the screen for me personally), and we are all fortunate to have her brought to our collective attention.
Other odds and ends—there were a few things this ep that I didn’t like. Ridiculously vague set-up scene to explain Xena’s absence, and why exactly did Joxer buy Jett’s exact outfit before even knowing the bro was around anyway? Plot contrivance. :P Also, according to Ted…Bruce glues on his Atolycus chest hair?! Yikes. Ted got to do his first, actual substantial fighting on the show, but it took him days to learn the blocking. Lucy, meanwhile, apparently learned hers within a manner of minutes. I guess that makes sense, given the regular physicality of her role. A whoosh commentator noticed that the armoire that Atolycus hid behind was from another episode… “Warrior…Priestess…Tramp.” And in the commentary, Ted mentioned the big-ass warehouse filled with yards of “Xena” props—from weapons to huge set pieces like the Cleopatra bathtub. Man, being in that warehouse probably felt like being in “The Matrix.” :P
And finally…I mean, they barely have any time together this hour, but how can’t I spare some love for our girls? The relative easygoingness that passes between Xena and Gabs this hour also puts some fans off, though for my thinking, they’re still in the dark about each other’s secrets. Xena thinks that Hope is dead and Gabrielle thinks that Ming Tien is alive. :P The Rift is on a mini-sabbatical, perhaps for the show to take a breather from all of the dramatic stuff. Though I also noticed how Xena and Gabs seemed to revert some—Gabrielle is the most ok with violence than she has been since killing Meridian. And Xena seems to find particular pleasure in making sure that Jett can’t be killed, only imprisoned for life. I kind of wonder if all of this is intentional; Gabrielle is starting to heal, and Xena wants to return to a more hopeful life. If only it were so easy for both of them to deny what they’ve done. I’m getting into spoilery territory, but…what goes around comes around. As campy as this show can be, “The Rift” really honors that truth.
Disclaimer Due to the infliction of a severe wedgie, Joxer was slightly uncomfortable but not seriously harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Favorite Quotes:
*Xena pops in…Xena pops out*
Xena: I'll pay for the chicken. Joxer, go into town; tell Gabrielle I've gone to Parsipedus.
Joxer: Xena, it's only a matter of time. These hands are lethal weapons, and there is no telling what they might do.
Xena: Joxer, you can barely kill time. It's just not you. Good boy.
*the first time Atolycus mistakes Joxer for Jett*
Autolycus: No hard feelings?
Joxer: No.
Autolycus: We're both professionals, of course.
Joxer: Sure!
Autolycus: You go your way, and I'll go mine.
Joxer: But first, you're gonna tell me how dangerous I am.
Autolycus: Ah, well, I certainly know that the people you're hired to take care of always manage to, uh-- go away.
Joxer: Yeah.
Autolycus: And that, uh-- just being around you is very, um-- dangerous.
Joxer: Yeah-- as a matter of fact, danger is my middle name-- 'D-A-N-J--aaahhhhhhh! *Gabriells grabs his ear*
Gabrielle: Three hours, Joxer. I waited for you for three hours-- with a bunch of drunken, horny half-wits!
Joxer: Ow!
Gabrielle: I have been grabbed more times than the golden fleece!
*Joxers folks are like the Addams family*
Gabrielle: I guess it would-- would be hard-- knowing that your brother is an assassin.
Joxer: You don't know the half of it! My whole life's been, 'Jett stole some horses; Jett torched a village; Jett killed the neighbors.' My parents were so proud.
Autolycus: Whoa-- back up. They were proud of the black sheep of the family?
Joxer: No, I'm the black sheep. My father's a warlord. My mother's a warlord's wife. My whole family's like that. But, Jett-- how do you compete with an over-achiever like that?
*Autolycus’s M.O.*
Autolycus: All right, let me get this straight. You want me to sneak the murder weapon into a castle, to stop his lunatic brother from assassinating someone we don't even know, for no gain whatsoever?
Gabrielle: Exactly.
Autolycus: I don't think so-- I'm not as dumb as he looks.
Joxer: Yeah, I'm not half as d--
Gabrielle: Autolycus, an innocent person is going to die.
Autolycus: No he isn't, because he's leaving. Goodbye.
Gabrielle: If Jett is not captured, he'll know you ran out on him, and he'll hunt you down.
Autolycus: That's a risk I'll happily take.
Gabrielle: It's a chance to do something really good.
Autolycus: Hah.
Gabrielle: And get a big reward.
Autolycus: Oh, she had to say the "R" word. Ahh.
*Joxer and Autolycus establish their rhythm*
Gabrielle: The security must be here because Jett's target has arrived.
Autolycus: Ah-hah.
Joxer: Huh.
Autolycus: Could be.
Joxer: Yeah.
Autolycus: Mmm.
Joxer: Mmm.
Autolycus: There's a concept called personal space. Look into it.
Joxer: Hey, I'm just trying to broaden my knowledge. You might be the King of Thieves, but I am Master of Mayhem. There's a lot we can learn from each other, you know.
Autolycus: Sure. Hey, why don't you start by teaching me how to disappear without a trace?
Joxer: OK. First--
Autolycus: Why exactly is he here?
Gabrielle: He knows Jett.
Autolycus: No, in a grander sense. Why is he here?
*season one callback! Maybe this is why some folks think this plan is too amateur*
Autolycus: So, you're saying this is what Xena would do.
Gabrielle: Oh, yes-- mostly-- probably. Look-- she did the same thing when she had to sneak a baby into King Gregor's castle.
Joxer: King Gregor was killed by a baby?
*the old sexual harassment gag*
Joxer: I know what we're gonna do. We're gonna get that guard, knock him out, drag him into the woods, take his uniform, and sneak into the castle-- right?
Autolycus: Yeah-- something like that. Hey, you've got strong hands.
Joxer: Sure-- like a killer.
Autolycus: All right, Killer, here. Hold your hand out like that.
Joxer: Like that?
Autolycus: Yeah-- like you're gonna grab something really hard.
Joxer: Like that?
Autolycus: You ready?
Joxer: Yeah--
Autolycus: Yeah, now grab!
Woman: *as Joxer grabs her ass, she screams*
*you and me both, Autolycus*
Lady-in-Waiting: Your bath is ready, Queen Cleopatra.
Autolycus: Cleopatra? Ho! I've died and gone to Olympus.
*some set-up exposition*
Pontius: You wish to see me, my Queen?
Cleopatra: Yes. I am impatient, Pontius. I have been here three days and yet, no one has come.
Pontius: The invitations were only sent out yesterday. By dusk tomorrow, you will have your choice of armies.
Cleopatra: I want the best. My future is riding on this.
Pontius: Ptolemy is sure to know where you are by now.
Cleopatra: There can be no reconciliation with my brother. Ptolemy has stolen my throne. I am the rightful ruler of Egypt-- by birth and by the will of the people.
*Autolycus is a quick thinker when Cleopatra finds him out*
Cleopatra: I don't waste my time with bad thieves.
Autolycus: Bad thie-- ? I'll have you know, I am the King of-- security for my boss, who's a great warrior-- who happens to have more than a passing interest in your charms-- uh, your charming offer to invade Egypt.
Cleopatra: Go on.
Autolycus: And-- well, I-- check out the security before my boss goes anywhere, and, uh--ha-ha-- I gotta tell ya-- this place is lacking.
Cleopatra: My chief of security is very good at what he does. You must just be very good at what you do.
Autolycus: You don't know the half--
Cleopatra: Still-- give me one good reason why I shouldn't call him now.
Autolycus: "One reason, one reason-- yes, well, uh-- you're looking for the best warrior. I happen to work for the best. Surely you've heard of-- Xena.
*Gabrielle as the straight gal in prison*
Joxer: Ohhhh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I think I bruised my brain. Gabrielle—do you see a bruise here?
Gabrielle: It's just a minor setback. No plan is foolproof.
Joxer: It depends on the fool.
Gabrielle: They're going to question us. We have to get our stories straight.
Joxer: I know, uh-- wait! We can tell them we're circus performers, and we were just rehearsing an act.
Gabrielle: Where does it hurt?
Joxer: Right there. *Gab smacks him there* Ow!
*this episode is kind of dismissive of women!*
Guard: Who's the girl?
Pontius: Oh, he's a man's man. The girl is obvious. She's certainly not here to think.
*Autolycus tries to deter Jett from killing Cleopatra*
Autolycus: Oh, uh-- see-- that's a bad idea. 'Cause, uh, security-- well, it's on high alert--and, uh-- there's guards-- all through the chambers-- and no one-- I mean, no one, gets in to see her.
Guard: Autolycus-- Cleopatra will see you now.
Autolycus: Except me.
Jett: You're good. Once you're inside-- dismiss Cleopatra's guards. That'll be-- my signal-- to strike.
Autolycus: You need help.
*this dialogue could work in a porno :P*
Cleopatra: I hope you don't mind. I find a bath can be quite relaxing during negotiations--unless it distracts you.
Autolycus: Distracts me? Beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub? *laughs* Where was I?
Cleopatra: We were negotiating for your client's services.
Autolycus: Ah, yes-- but I think I should warn you, Cleopatra. I drive a hard bargain.
Cleopatra: Mm-hmm. I think you'll find my offer quite, um-- generous.
Autolycus: No doubt. You certainly have a lot of-- assets.
Cleopatra: Mm-hmm. But, how will I know what you have to offer will satisfy me?
Autolycus: Well, let's just say, I've never had any complaints.
Cleopatra: Mmm.
Autolycus: But I'm reluctant to dive right in. You see, first, I need to know-- when-- where--and how often?
Cleopatra: I'll let you know as soon as you make a firm offer. Are you firm yet, Autolycus?
Autolycus: I don't know. I haven't seen your bottom line.
Cleopatra: Let's put this deal to bed, shall we?
Autolycus: Oooh-- love to.
Cleopatra: Guards! Leave us!
Autolycus: Guards-- leave us! No-- no, wait, uh-- they have to stay. Any business transaction requires-- witnesses.
Cleopatra: Kinky.
*Gabby’s dumb move*
Gabrielle: I've just cut off the flow of blood to your limbs.
Guard: *waves hand*
Gabrielle: The numbness is setting in.
Guard: Nope! I seem to be fine. Don't do that.
*Ted’s fraternal dynamic*
Jett: Come here! You little ugly excuse for a brother! Give me a hug!
Joxer: Oh, Jett, don't! Don't! Ah! Ah, not that! Not the finger! *gets a wet willie* Ow! Cut it out! I know you're after Cleopatra, and I'm not gonna let you do it!
Jett: Make me.
Joxer and Jett: I don't--
Jett: -- have to! Jinx! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! You're a riot, Jox. I don't know how you found out-- but seeing you sure explains a lot. Hey—nice clothes.
Joxer: Thanks.
Jett: Copy-cat. Hey-- is Jace here, too?
Joxer: Don't mention our brother's name in public.
Jett: Oh, yeah-- I forgot. What's that?
Joxer: What? Ow!
Jett: How long has it been? Five years? Six? Let me count the assassinations. That's how I keep track. Ax murder in Athens.
Joxer: I'm serious! Things are different, now. I've seen evil, and I've changed my ways!
Jett: Bro-- if you saw evil-- you'd have to change your pants.
*ta-da-ching*
Jett: Oh-- Joxer, the tidy;
He always inside-ey.
Never hurts the other boys,
Even when they steal his toys. Remember that one?
Joxer: Well, at least Mom sang to me.
*character quirks*
Joxer: Oh, Autolycus. Thank goodness it's you. It's me--Joxer!
Autolycus: How can I be sure?
Joxer: I'm hanging from the wall by my underwear.
Autolycus: Good point.
*after Pontius reveals his true colors*
Gabrielle: Right-- Jett. Your boss realized I knew who you were-- Jett. Hmm-- there's no stopping you now.
Joxer: Why do you keep calling me-- ?
With Autolycus: Jett.
Autolycus: Becuase you're the best assassin, aren't you-- ?
With Gabrielle: Jett.
Joxer-as-Jett: Oh-- oh-- yes, uh -- yes, I am. Ha-ha-ha-ha-- ha-ha-ha. Yes, um-- it was you and I all along! They were just dupes-- in-- my plan. Ha-ha-- hmm. Now-- nothing can stop us!
*exactly! Gab’s plan had merit*
Xena: So, Joxer-- is the only one out there trying to find Jett. Now, I must be missing something, here. Gabrielle, why didn't you just-- go to Cleopatra, and tell her when you knew she was a target?
Autolycus: Ah-- now, Xena, that's easy for you to say. You weren't there. Gabrielle's plan kept Jett off-balance long enough to find a man on the inside-- right?
Gabrielle: Yeah-- that's right-- Pontius.
Autolycus: Pontius, exactly. Now, frankly, I had my doubts that there _was_ a man on the inside, but fortunately, Gabrielle insisted that we follow her plan.
*Cleopatra and Jett say their goodbyes*
Cleopatra: I owe you my life. That's not something I soon forget-- though I don't understand-- why the assassin can't be executed here.
Xena: Sadly, execution isn't recognized here in Miramus. He'll be in prison for life.
Cleopatra: Hmm. Are you ever planning on coming to Egypt, Xena? If you do, send word. I'll plan a reception the world won't soon forget.
Autolycus: *after a smooch* Well-- was that my invitation to Egypt?
Cleopatra: That was a thank you. My real kisses are a bit more-- intense.
Joxer: I'm sorry, Jett.
Jett: No hard feelings. Hey-- I hear they're sending me to prison in Miramus-- give me a chance to catch up with Dad. Joxer-- you got a good thing going here. Don't blow it. Don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you could be-- that includes family.
___
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}