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scifi_rewatchThis episode was supposed to be the official start to season three, before the two shows previous got bumped from the last one. I get the feeling that it was supposed to go down as this energetic swashbuckling number, but it fell short in my book. Many fan accounts I’ve read seem to be disappointed as well.
We are introduced to a couple of characters who were meant to be recurring, but it didn’t really pan out that way. The real dramatic impetus, as always, is in between Xena and Gabrielle. Some of their schmaltz about relying on each other may be a little overdone by now, but they take a specific angle for a direct purpose. We’ll see the payoff very soon. But for now, on with the show!
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
General premise—Ares has another wannabe apprentice, Agathon, on his hands. He has a lot of spirit and drive for the world-conquering game, so the god of war gifts him with the magical, almost indestructible metal of Heaphestus. It allows the dude to wipe out the Athenian army and grant his own men with this spiky armor that looks like it belongs in a 1980s video game. :P Xena hears about all of these shenanigans, so she and Gabrielle round up some thieves (once good people before evil!Xena got mixed up with them) in order to take the As down. Will they succeed? And is that a budding romance in the corner? Hee.
First, let’s back up to Agathon, as played by Jonathan Roberts. Sheesh, Ares really knows how to pick ‘em. :P He’s more memorable than the arm-wrestling, guffawing goons of season one, but with his surfer-talk devil-may-care attitude, where at one point he insinuates that the god of war is his lackey rather than the other way around, you knew he wasn’t long for this world. Ares keeps trying to fill that Xena-sized hole in his heart, but it’s just not working with these losers, from our queen, Callisto, down. I do appreciate that cocky Agathon did call his patron god out on his feelings, lol. So Ares promised not to interfere…like Xena needed his help with this goon. Her sword might have been split by some Haephestus metal, but her chakram did the trick! I read some commentary on whoosh.org about the phallic vs feminine weapons. :P My real question is, why wasn’t the chakram even more useful with all of the past magical storylines? Alas.
Apparently, regular writer Steven L. Sears wanted Darnell, as played by Charles Mesure, and Glaphyra, as played by Katrina Hobbs, to have recurring roles on the show, and to take Lucy’s place in “Xena-lite” episodes. He was also very into their antagonistically (stereotypically) flirtatious romance. As I listened to the interview included on my DVD, complete with frenetic, “Indiana Jones”-ey music, I got the strong impression that he was trying to recreate the Han-and-Leia vibe, complete with their large-stakes plot. In practice, I’m not sure it worked out that well. The actors had some physical chemistry, but their lines became ridiculous after awhile. Not much depth to these two—Glaphyra with the man-hating chip on her shoulder, and Darnell as the brash and arrogant wannabe ladies man. It almost worked better with Xena’s ultimate moralizing with her female companion about how you can’t blame men for your problems, you have to look inward, yadda yadda; I particularly appreciate that we dredged out old backstory with Perdicas, Gabby’s brief husband, who rather than being a male monster, was murdered by *gasp* a woman. Perhaps it proved a heavy-handed way to encourage us all to look at our own biases. (Also, kudos to the wiki for including a reference to Greek mythology that validates the worldview Darnell espouses with “I was born of a man, I was delivered by a woman.” Sheesh, maybe Glaphyra is right about these thankless douchebags. :P)
When it comes to the Hallmark card of Xena telling Gabrielle how she’s kept her on the straight and narrow, I think it’s a speech that’s grown a little worn. But beyond this old song and dance, the girls also talked about how Xena might have changed Gabrielle, like she did with Darnell, Glaphyra and the other two goons. Big questions in the episode revolved around how much Gabby is her own person vs Xena’s creation, and if her innate goodness is powerful enough to keep her from going dark like the others did. (Glaphyra’s backstory of being an eager young girl with a world-traveling wish does sound pretty familiar.) There’s also a lot of talk in this episode about Gabby being an Amazon “princess”—though, er, technically it’s “Queen,” show—I feel like this is supposed to extol that she’s become a bit of a heroic fighter in her own right. Anywho. These issues slide—almost immediately, really—into the main, spoilery season three arc called “the rift.” Suffice to say that no matter what, Gabrielle can’t live in a vacuum. Sooner or later, she has to be tested on a psychological level akin to Xena’s.
Speaking of Xena’s psychological journey this ep, she sought to save the four people whom she played a part in evil-izing before, but at the end her powers of persuasion only worked on two of them. Is she a little too cavalier in shrugging off the fact that she had to kill the other two? I don’t think there’s a definite answer, but thanks to FemPop for bringing that up. I also really loved the easy, trip-of-the-tongue way that Xena and Gabrielle address the problem of working with these convicts; I’ll include the quote below. Man, those guys were a trip, staying up all night to have a one-up on the others; as Gabby said, they took care of the guard duty. :P
Some final odds and ends—Darnell and Glaphyra never get a comeback, but look out for Mesure in a new, angelic *cough cough* role in seasons 5-6! I really love the continuity of mentioning old people; some others that come to mind are Xena, off screen, asking King Gregor from season 1 for aid, Callisto, Perdicas and Autolycus! Gabrielle’s bilious bikini outfit got even smaller this year, speaking of warped gender politics. Maybe I could be generous and say it was for Renee’s comfort in her physical role, but I kinda doubt it. Kevin Smith was his usual badass, sultry self with Ares, but what the hell was with that fireball numbers game with the game show bell? Skewed far more into the satirical camp than usual. But on the awesome side, I loved those cloaks Xena and Gabs were wearing at the beginning of the episode! Too bad those didn’t get a comeback, either. :P
DisclaimerNo Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can’t we all just get along?
Favorite Quotes:
*introduction to Agathon*
Ares: Congratulations, Agathon. Your army's done well.
Agathon: Well? Six thou, man-- instant legend! You and me—we work good
together. And this metal? There's no stopping me. Oh—of course, that means no stopping you, War God.
Ares: I couldn't have given the metal of Haphaestus to just anyone. It's time for the new generation to lead the old out of the darkness.
Agathon: "Classic-- but don't play salesman, Ares. I know what you want out of me, and I'll give it to you. 'Cause, all I've ever wanted is to rule the world-- and this metal gives it to me.
*introduction to Darnell*
Darnell: Ah, there was no proof I did it.
Jailer: He was stabbed with a spear. You were holding it at the time.
Darnell: Well, if you wanna go technical on me. How's it going, roomies?
*introduction to Glaphyra*
Darnell: Whoa! There was a lady in here?
Glaphyra: I'm no lady.
*I’m mostly including this for the Autolycus reference. Also some one-off goon from “A Fist Full of Dinars”*
Xena: We don't have time for chit-chat or reminiscing, so I'll do the introductions. Monlik here, was a master thief—taught Autolycus a thing or two. Darnell, I found in a small village—trained him up to be a gladiator. He was an unbeatable killer.
Darnell: Your training was good-- my talent was a gift.
Xena: And Walsim? Walsim was the finest assassin I ever trained. He partnered with Thersites for a while.
Walsim: You introduced him to me-- and I hear you offed him.
Xena: Glaphyra? Glaphyra, when I met her, was eager to see the world. She ended up a slaver-- selling men to traders from the south.
Gabrielle: Just men?
Glaphyra: I specialize.
*Agathon is a cocky surfer dude who wants to hurry this show along—and he’s not afraid to tell Ares how it is WRT his romantic life*
Ares: Now, all you gotta do is find an army.
Agathon: You kiddin' me?! Once word gets out about that Athenian gig, I'll have bad boys bustin' down the gates to join in. That trick took only a few hundred. So, what do you say, we march on Athens in a month?
Ares: There's a fire in you I really like, but-- don't be too much of a hurrier--
Agathon: Yeah, yeah, I'm not like Callisto-- I can pace myself, War God. Whoa! Nice 'ceps! Do you work out, or are all you gods cut?
Ares: You have something else to deal with-- Xena-- she's on her way.
Agathon: Xena?
Ares: Yeah.
Agathon: The former number one Ares femme-- the owner of the—of the chakram?
Ares: Others have made the mistake of underestimating her.
Agathon: No, no, no, no, War God-- nobody underestimates Xena. They underestimate you. You've got a-- hot spot for the killer babe, and when push comes to shove, you follow your, uh-- lower instincts-- know what I mean?
Ares: You are smarter than you look-- and you're not frightened of me. It's annoying, but-- it sets you apart from the others I've dealt with.
Agathon: Except Xena. She didn't cut you any slack, either. Whatever—I need your word, or whatever it is that binds you god-types.
Ares: Xena's time with me has ended. I won't intervene.
Agathon: Good-- Whoa! Ha-- 'cause I'm-- gonna kill her.
*the “pre-rift” talk*
Gabrielle: Can I ask you something? These people-- all of 'em—were they murderers before you met them? I mean, it seems like, maybe they--
Xena: Gabrielle-- it was me. I changed them. Before they met me, they were--
Gabrielle: They were like me-- real people-- maybe even good people. Walsim-- I-- I could see him as a farmer at one time.
Xena: He was a carpenter.
Gabrielle: I wonder, what would have happened if I had met you before--before--you know--
Xena: Gabrielle, I could never see you as being evil. There is a difference between them and you.
Gabrielle: What difference? Xena, I have changed so much since I met you. I wonder how much of that is timing.
Xena: Does it really matter?
Gabrielle: Am I really who I am? Or am I what you made me?
*classic foreshadowing/misdirection…goon’s totally gonna be a goner soon :P*
Gabrielle: Xena? He's dead.
Walsim: Poison-- I'll bet. One of you poisoned him.
Darnell: You're the one with the cross-bow. Maybe we should look for an arrow in his back.
Walsim: Maybe you wanna look for one in your chest.
Xena: Monlik-- wakey-wakey.
Monlik: What?!
Darnell: Yeah-- we stay up all night; he sleeps like a baby.
*the quote I promised above…a cute moment for my subtext babies*
Gabrielle: I don't think I've ever been a part of a true disaster before.
Xena: You are such a cynic.
*Han and Leia—I mean Darnell and Glaphyra—have an antagonistic flirtatious moment*
Darnell: You know-- I used one just like this to win the finals at Magar. Huh-- Xena was really proud of me back then. Of course, I nailed one of the judges with my second throw.
Glaphyra: Boys and their toys.
Darnell: I'll take that as a compliment. This is essential equipment.
Glaphyra: To your ego! And a spear, no less! Could you be a bit more obvious?!
Darnell: Actually-- it's a javelin. Now, do I sense more than just a little anger toward me--'cause I'm a man?
Glaphyra: And why not? Men are all the same. They use you; they betray you; and they spit you out! They're only as good as what you can get out of them.
Darnell: Oh-- as opposed to the sweet, ungrateful creatures of the earth that women are. We protect them; we feed them; we clothe them; we—give them a purpose for being. And this is the gratitude?
Glaphyra: You were born of a woman!
Darnell: I was born of a man. I was delivered by a woman. How would you like those apples, sweetcheeks—huh? I only meant it as an observation, not as an insult. And, uh-- as for the apples-- *artfully plucks from tree* how'd you like one?
Glaphyra: *takes a bite, licks around his hand, then hits him with the apple while he’s distracted* Men are so easy.
*Xena’s redemption arc doesn’t go so well here*
Xena: Don't make this mistake, Monlik. I'm giving you your chance.
Monlik: To do what? Become like you? Roam the countryside, helping people? Dragging around with me some-- half-starved kid pretending she's a friend? Well, I don't think so.
Xena: Very well. If that's the way you feel, you can go. I'll come after you later. But right now, I want that map.
Monlik: Ha-ha. *Fight-- Monlik dies*
*obligatory flirtatious Xena/Ares chat for episodes where the god of war appears*
Xena: Hm-mm. It's about time you showed up.
Ares: What is it about me? You always seem to know when I'm around. I must have a certain-- presence-- around you.
Xena: You say 'presence'; I say 'stench'.
Ares: Oh! Ow! Score one for the Warrior Princess.
Xena: You were wrong to give the metal of Hephaestus to Agathon.
Ares: I-- I did it-- for the sake of peace.
Xena: Peace through slaughter.
Ares: Doesn't matter. Agathon is brash, obnoxious, disrespectful, and smart-- very smart-- much like the young Xena I took under my wing.
Xena: That can't be good for you. I wasn't the easiest warrior you ever dealt with.
Ares: No-- no-- you never let me get away with anything. You had the nerve to question me-- and you never took what I said at face value.
Xena: Funny that.
Ares: Well, neither does-- Agathon. He looks for answers beneath the obvious. Example? He knows Gregor's army has no intention of attacking. Agathon's kept his army in the castle. Give this up, Xena. I'm not gonna make any deals this time. I promised Agathon I would not interfere. If you attack-- he's gonna kill you.
*Glaphyra learns her lesson*
Glaphyra: I thought Darnell might've been different-- I should've known.
Gabrielle: Different-- you mean, from all the other cutthroats, thieves, murderers.
Glaphyra: No, little girl. Check the arrangement. Do you see any men in this cell?
Gabrielle: I'm not a little girl-- and I have met some good men. I married one.
Glaphyra: Yeah? And how long was he good? I notice he's not with you now! Maybe he lost interest. Or maybe he decided to find another conquest!
Gabrielle: Maybe he was murdered.
Xena: By Callisto-- a woman. *attempts escape*
Glaphyra: I've tried them already. They're made of that same metal. She hasn't seen much of the world, has she?
Xena: Gabrielle's been through more than you'd think-- yes, more than you. And, despite everything, she doesn't carry hatred toward others. Good people don't.
Glaphyra: And the bad people?
Xena: The bad people are us, Glaphyra-- who I was; who you are. You know, you're so quick to blame everything on men, you have never once--looked inside yourself for the answers. It's something that I had to learn.
Gabrielle is a good teacher. Who knows? If-- if I had met her back when I met you, maybe it'd be me who changed.
*…and, of course, Glaphyra gets more comeuppance later*
Glaphyra: This is all part of a plan?
Xena: I convinced Darnell to sell us out.
Darnell: Ah, it wasn't much of a sale, actually.
Gabrielle: Xena needed to get in. What better way than to get captured?
Glaphyra: Look, Darnell, I didn't know--
Darnell: Ah, no, no, no, no-- you owe me an apology. You owe me big. And don't worry about forgetting it-- I won't let you.
*So, was Ares lying about Gregor, or is this a continuity issue? Blowing up the castle, “Shining”-style*
Darnell: What about the warriors?!
Xena: With Gregor out on the battlefield, Agathon's brought all his troops inside the castle. They go when the castle goes. Step back!
*You know Agathon’s a goner either way after this line :P*
Ares: Agathon, I gave you my word I wouldn't intervene. This is between the two of you.
Agathon: That's just fine with me, War God. I don't need your help. Just don't get in the way.
*we kind of go full circle to Xena extolling Gabs for saving her. Also, Amazon “princess” vs “queen” /nitpick*
Gabrielle: You started off with four, and you redeemed two. All things considered, it's not bad odds.
Xena: Ain't that somethin'? I've got that answer to your question. Are you who you are, or are you who I made you?
Gabrielle: And?
Xena: You're Gabrielle-- bard, Amazon Princess-- best friend. Nobody made you who you are-- it was already there. The question is, who would I be without you?
We are introduced to a couple of characters who were meant to be recurring, but it didn’t really pan out that way. The real dramatic impetus, as always, is in between Xena and Gabrielle. Some of their schmaltz about relying on each other may be a little overdone by now, but they take a specific angle for a direct purpose. We’ll see the payoff very soon. But for now, on with the show!
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
General premise—Ares has another wannabe apprentice, Agathon, on his hands. He has a lot of spirit and drive for the world-conquering game, so the god of war gifts him with the magical, almost indestructible metal of Heaphestus. It allows the dude to wipe out the Athenian army and grant his own men with this spiky armor that looks like it belongs in a 1980s video game. :P Xena hears about all of these shenanigans, so she and Gabrielle round up some thieves (once good people before evil!Xena got mixed up with them) in order to take the As down. Will they succeed? And is that a budding romance in the corner? Hee.
First, let’s back up to Agathon, as played by Jonathan Roberts. Sheesh, Ares really knows how to pick ‘em. :P He’s more memorable than the arm-wrestling, guffawing goons of season one, but with his surfer-talk devil-may-care attitude, where at one point he insinuates that the god of war is his lackey rather than the other way around, you knew he wasn’t long for this world. Ares keeps trying to fill that Xena-sized hole in his heart, but it’s just not working with these losers, from our queen, Callisto, down. I do appreciate that cocky Agathon did call his patron god out on his feelings, lol. So Ares promised not to interfere…like Xena needed his help with this goon. Her sword might have been split by some Haephestus metal, but her chakram did the trick! I read some commentary on whoosh.org about the phallic vs feminine weapons. :P My real question is, why wasn’t the chakram even more useful with all of the past magical storylines? Alas.
Apparently, regular writer Steven L. Sears wanted Darnell, as played by Charles Mesure, and Glaphyra, as played by Katrina Hobbs, to have recurring roles on the show, and to take Lucy’s place in “Xena-lite” episodes. He was also very into their antagonistically (stereotypically) flirtatious romance. As I listened to the interview included on my DVD, complete with frenetic, “Indiana Jones”-ey music, I got the strong impression that he was trying to recreate the Han-and-Leia vibe, complete with their large-stakes plot. In practice, I’m not sure it worked out that well. The actors had some physical chemistry, but their lines became ridiculous after awhile. Not much depth to these two—Glaphyra with the man-hating chip on her shoulder, and Darnell as the brash and arrogant wannabe ladies man. It almost worked better with Xena’s ultimate moralizing with her female companion about how you can’t blame men for your problems, you have to look inward, yadda yadda; I particularly appreciate that we dredged out old backstory with Perdicas, Gabby’s brief husband, who rather than being a male monster, was murdered by *gasp* a woman. Perhaps it proved a heavy-handed way to encourage us all to look at our own biases. (Also, kudos to the wiki for including a reference to Greek mythology that validates the worldview Darnell espouses with “I was born of a man, I was delivered by a woman.” Sheesh, maybe Glaphyra is right about these thankless douchebags. :P)
When it comes to the Hallmark card of Xena telling Gabrielle how she’s kept her on the straight and narrow, I think it’s a speech that’s grown a little worn. But beyond this old song and dance, the girls also talked about how Xena might have changed Gabrielle, like she did with Darnell, Glaphyra and the other two goons. Big questions in the episode revolved around how much Gabby is her own person vs Xena’s creation, and if her innate goodness is powerful enough to keep her from going dark like the others did. (Glaphyra’s backstory of being an eager young girl with a world-traveling wish does sound pretty familiar.) There’s also a lot of talk in this episode about Gabby being an Amazon “princess”—though, er, technically it’s “Queen,” show—I feel like this is supposed to extol that she’s become a bit of a heroic fighter in her own right. Anywho. These issues slide—almost immediately, really—into the main, spoilery season three arc called “the rift.” Suffice to say that no matter what, Gabrielle can’t live in a vacuum. Sooner or later, she has to be tested on a psychological level akin to Xena’s.
Speaking of Xena’s psychological journey this ep, she sought to save the four people whom she played a part in evil-izing before, but at the end her powers of persuasion only worked on two of them. Is she a little too cavalier in shrugging off the fact that she had to kill the other two? I don’t think there’s a definite answer, but thanks to FemPop for bringing that up. I also really loved the easy, trip-of-the-tongue way that Xena and Gabrielle address the problem of working with these convicts; I’ll include the quote below. Man, those guys were a trip, staying up all night to have a one-up on the others; as Gabby said, they took care of the guard duty. :P
Some final odds and ends—Darnell and Glaphyra never get a comeback, but look out for Mesure in a new, angelic *cough cough* role in seasons 5-6! I really love the continuity of mentioning old people; some others that come to mind are Xena, off screen, asking King Gregor from season 1 for aid, Callisto, Perdicas and Autolycus! Gabrielle’s bilious bikini outfit got even smaller this year, speaking of warped gender politics. Maybe I could be generous and say it was for Renee’s comfort in her physical role, but I kinda doubt it. Kevin Smith was his usual badass, sultry self with Ares, but what the hell was with that fireball numbers game with the game show bell? Skewed far more into the satirical camp than usual. But on the awesome side, I loved those cloaks Xena and Gabs were wearing at the beginning of the episode! Too bad those didn’t get a comeback, either. :P
DisclaimerNo Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can’t we all just get along?
Favorite Quotes:
*introduction to Agathon*
Ares: Congratulations, Agathon. Your army's done well.
Agathon: Well? Six thou, man-- instant legend! You and me—we work good
together. And this metal? There's no stopping me. Oh—of course, that means no stopping you, War God.
Ares: I couldn't have given the metal of Haphaestus to just anyone. It's time for the new generation to lead the old out of the darkness.
Agathon: "Classic-- but don't play salesman, Ares. I know what you want out of me, and I'll give it to you. 'Cause, all I've ever wanted is to rule the world-- and this metal gives it to me.
*introduction to Darnell*
Darnell: Ah, there was no proof I did it.
Jailer: He was stabbed with a spear. You were holding it at the time.
Darnell: Well, if you wanna go technical on me. How's it going, roomies?
*introduction to Glaphyra*
Darnell: Whoa! There was a lady in here?
Glaphyra: I'm no lady.
*I’m mostly including this for the Autolycus reference. Also some one-off goon from “A Fist Full of Dinars”*
Xena: We don't have time for chit-chat or reminiscing, so I'll do the introductions. Monlik here, was a master thief—taught Autolycus a thing or two. Darnell, I found in a small village—trained him up to be a gladiator. He was an unbeatable killer.
Darnell: Your training was good-- my talent was a gift.
Xena: And Walsim? Walsim was the finest assassin I ever trained. He partnered with Thersites for a while.
Walsim: You introduced him to me-- and I hear you offed him.
Xena: Glaphyra? Glaphyra, when I met her, was eager to see the world. She ended up a slaver-- selling men to traders from the south.
Gabrielle: Just men?
Glaphyra: I specialize.
*Agathon is a cocky surfer dude who wants to hurry this show along—and he’s not afraid to tell Ares how it is WRT his romantic life*
Ares: Now, all you gotta do is find an army.
Agathon: You kiddin' me?! Once word gets out about that Athenian gig, I'll have bad boys bustin' down the gates to join in. That trick took only a few hundred. So, what do you say, we march on Athens in a month?
Ares: There's a fire in you I really like, but-- don't be too much of a hurrier--
Agathon: Yeah, yeah, I'm not like Callisto-- I can pace myself, War God. Whoa! Nice 'ceps! Do you work out, or are all you gods cut?
Ares: You have something else to deal with-- Xena-- she's on her way.
Agathon: Xena?
Ares: Yeah.
Agathon: The former number one Ares femme-- the owner of the—of the chakram?
Ares: Others have made the mistake of underestimating her.
Agathon: No, no, no, no, War God-- nobody underestimates Xena. They underestimate you. You've got a-- hot spot for the killer babe, and when push comes to shove, you follow your, uh-- lower instincts-- know what I mean?
Ares: You are smarter than you look-- and you're not frightened of me. It's annoying, but-- it sets you apart from the others I've dealt with.
Agathon: Except Xena. She didn't cut you any slack, either. Whatever—I need your word, or whatever it is that binds you god-types.
Ares: Xena's time with me has ended. I won't intervene.
Agathon: Good-- Whoa! Ha-- 'cause I'm-- gonna kill her.
*the “pre-rift” talk*
Gabrielle: Can I ask you something? These people-- all of 'em—were they murderers before you met them? I mean, it seems like, maybe they--
Xena: Gabrielle-- it was me. I changed them. Before they met me, they were--
Gabrielle: They were like me-- real people-- maybe even good people. Walsim-- I-- I could see him as a farmer at one time.
Xena: He was a carpenter.
Gabrielle: I wonder, what would have happened if I had met you before--before--you know--
Xena: Gabrielle, I could never see you as being evil. There is a difference between them and you.
Gabrielle: What difference? Xena, I have changed so much since I met you. I wonder how much of that is timing.
Xena: Does it really matter?
Gabrielle: Am I really who I am? Or am I what you made me?
*classic foreshadowing/misdirection…goon’s totally gonna be a goner soon :P*
Gabrielle: Xena? He's dead.
Walsim: Poison-- I'll bet. One of you poisoned him.
Darnell: You're the one with the cross-bow. Maybe we should look for an arrow in his back.
Walsim: Maybe you wanna look for one in your chest.
Xena: Monlik-- wakey-wakey.
Monlik: What?!
Darnell: Yeah-- we stay up all night; he sleeps like a baby.
*the quote I promised above…a cute moment for my subtext babies*
Gabrielle: I don't think I've ever been a part of a true disaster before.
Xena: You are such a cynic.
*Han and Leia—I mean Darnell and Glaphyra—have an antagonistic flirtatious moment*
Darnell: You know-- I used one just like this to win the finals at Magar. Huh-- Xena was really proud of me back then. Of course, I nailed one of the judges with my second throw.
Glaphyra: Boys and their toys.
Darnell: I'll take that as a compliment. This is essential equipment.
Glaphyra: To your ego! And a spear, no less! Could you be a bit more obvious?!
Darnell: Actually-- it's a javelin. Now, do I sense more than just a little anger toward me--'cause I'm a man?
Glaphyra: And why not? Men are all the same. They use you; they betray you; and they spit you out! They're only as good as what you can get out of them.
Darnell: Oh-- as opposed to the sweet, ungrateful creatures of the earth that women are. We protect them; we feed them; we clothe them; we—give them a purpose for being. And this is the gratitude?
Glaphyra: You were born of a woman!
Darnell: I was born of a man. I was delivered by a woman. How would you like those apples, sweetcheeks—huh? I only meant it as an observation, not as an insult. And, uh-- as for the apples-- *artfully plucks from tree* how'd you like one?
Glaphyra: *takes a bite, licks around his hand, then hits him with the apple while he’s distracted* Men are so easy.
*Xena’s redemption arc doesn’t go so well here*
Xena: Don't make this mistake, Monlik. I'm giving you your chance.
Monlik: To do what? Become like you? Roam the countryside, helping people? Dragging around with me some-- half-starved kid pretending she's a friend? Well, I don't think so.
Xena: Very well. If that's the way you feel, you can go. I'll come after you later. But right now, I want that map.
Monlik: Ha-ha. *Fight-- Monlik dies*
*obligatory flirtatious Xena/Ares chat for episodes where the god of war appears*
Xena: Hm-mm. It's about time you showed up.
Ares: What is it about me? You always seem to know when I'm around. I must have a certain-- presence-- around you.
Xena: You say 'presence'; I say 'stench'.
Ares: Oh! Ow! Score one for the Warrior Princess.
Xena: You were wrong to give the metal of Hephaestus to Agathon.
Ares: I-- I did it-- for the sake of peace.
Xena: Peace through slaughter.
Ares: Doesn't matter. Agathon is brash, obnoxious, disrespectful, and smart-- very smart-- much like the young Xena I took under my wing.
Xena: That can't be good for you. I wasn't the easiest warrior you ever dealt with.
Ares: No-- no-- you never let me get away with anything. You had the nerve to question me-- and you never took what I said at face value.
Xena: Funny that.
Ares: Well, neither does-- Agathon. He looks for answers beneath the obvious. Example? He knows Gregor's army has no intention of attacking. Agathon's kept his army in the castle. Give this up, Xena. I'm not gonna make any deals this time. I promised Agathon I would not interfere. If you attack-- he's gonna kill you.
*Glaphyra learns her lesson*
Glaphyra: I thought Darnell might've been different-- I should've known.
Gabrielle: Different-- you mean, from all the other cutthroats, thieves, murderers.
Glaphyra: No, little girl. Check the arrangement. Do you see any men in this cell?
Gabrielle: I'm not a little girl-- and I have met some good men. I married one.
Glaphyra: Yeah? And how long was he good? I notice he's not with you now! Maybe he lost interest. Or maybe he decided to find another conquest!
Gabrielle: Maybe he was murdered.
Xena: By Callisto-- a woman. *attempts escape*
Glaphyra: I've tried them already. They're made of that same metal. She hasn't seen much of the world, has she?
Xena: Gabrielle's been through more than you'd think-- yes, more than you. And, despite everything, she doesn't carry hatred toward others. Good people don't.
Glaphyra: And the bad people?
Xena: The bad people are us, Glaphyra-- who I was; who you are. You know, you're so quick to blame everything on men, you have never once--looked inside yourself for the answers. It's something that I had to learn.
Gabrielle is a good teacher. Who knows? If-- if I had met her back when I met you, maybe it'd be me who changed.
*…and, of course, Glaphyra gets more comeuppance later*
Glaphyra: This is all part of a plan?
Xena: I convinced Darnell to sell us out.
Darnell: Ah, it wasn't much of a sale, actually.
Gabrielle: Xena needed to get in. What better way than to get captured?
Glaphyra: Look, Darnell, I didn't know--
Darnell: Ah, no, no, no, no-- you owe me an apology. You owe me big. And don't worry about forgetting it-- I won't let you.
*So, was Ares lying about Gregor, or is this a continuity issue? Blowing up the castle, “Shining”-style*
Darnell: What about the warriors?!
Xena: With Gregor out on the battlefield, Agathon's brought all his troops inside the castle. They go when the castle goes. Step back!
*You know Agathon’s a goner either way after this line :P*
Ares: Agathon, I gave you my word I wouldn't intervene. This is between the two of you.
Agathon: That's just fine with me, War God. I don't need your help. Just don't get in the way.
*we kind of go full circle to Xena extolling Gabs for saving her. Also, Amazon “princess” vs “queen” /nitpick*
Gabrielle: You started off with four, and you redeemed two. All things considered, it's not bad odds.
Xena: Ain't that somethin'? I've got that answer to your question. Are you who you are, or are you who I made you?
Gabrielle: And?
Xena: You're Gabrielle-- bard, Amazon Princess-- best friend. Nobody made you who you are-- it was already there. The question is, who would I be without you?
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