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scifi_rewatchEh. A bit of a dud after some great stuff. In all fairness, it was meant to be a dud. It was a phone-it-in obligatory Christmas-Carol-parody affair. But it wasn’t quite funny enough to be a success, and you’d have to look past a bunch of big, gaping holes in the plot and backstory (insert “Solstice” for “Christmas”,) and some really, really shallow characters. And bad acting. Sorry, kids.
…I do have a soft spot for the solstice song, maybe because it’s so different. (Kudos, LoDuca.) And in good acting, Lucy and Renee killed it. Lucy got to play around with voices again and Renee handled all of the slapstick comedy since Ted, aka Joxer wasn’t around.
And there were some funny, if ridiculous allusions to the real holiday of discussion here. And just in case you didn’t get the CHRISTMAS sign flashing in red and green lights, we run into a certain couple with their infant in the final few minutes. Sheesh. In an episode where nobody died (because it’s a morality tale, and more fun to beat them senseless with ribbons, bells and stuffed stockings,) that was a real sledgehammer to the brain.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
So the basic premise is that King Silvas was Scrooge, Senticles was Bob Cratchett, and Solstice was Christmas. When hardhearted Silvas taxes his people into poverty and outlaws the celebration of Solstice due to a heartache issue he just can’t get over, Xena and Gabrielle step in to save an orphanage. Because a little orphan boy stole the warrior princess’s chakram to use as a tree ornament. And can I just say, the chakram is as useful in battle, if not more so, when trailing long ropes of thread behind it. :P
Senticles used to be a toymaker before Silvas outlawed the holidays, and I actually liked hearing him and Gabs reminisce over his products. Reminded me of a simpler time of mercantile craftsmanship and imagination, before digital interface took over everything. I know I’m thinking too much. So here’s Senticles dressing in a Santa suit (because somehow that helps with the plan,) lugging his toys as gifts, and deciding to sneak into the orphanage from down the chimney! Ho, ho, ho! Before all this he was the most developed secondary character because he was struggling with how much he wanted to help the girls, vs his fear of prison. Silvas, meanwhile, was completely one-note; a cowardly bully who shivered in bed when Xena confronted him, blamed everyone else for his problems and made his guards do all the dirty work.
Lots of major plot holes—like who exactly was in on the Christmas Carol plan and who wasn’t? Was the orphanage matron, who just so happened to be Silvas’s long-lost wife, in the know? And why did she leave him, because before that it seemed like he was an ok guy before?
And then there’s Gabrielle taking “Solstice pity” on a donkey about to be skinned, and using all of her Operation Christmas Carol budget money on him. But it turned out ok because conveniently, Xena found the queen wife’s cobwebby, abandoned rooms, still decorated for Solstice, to use as Silvas’s trip to the past. Also, due to Gabs buying the ass, we got some slapstick moments of her dressed as a ghost and bobbing around on a rope as the donkey (named Tobias) responded to whistling.
Some other funny moments were Gabrielle playing jingle bells as she knocked guards around with bells, Silvas breaking the sentimental mood in the past room experience by spilling the beans that his wife wasn’t dead but left him, Senticles laying out his plan to basically become Santa Claus, Gabs hula hooping to distract the guards and the chakram ribbon tying those goons up, Xena impaling a guy’s rump on the unicorn horn of a rocker, and beating another with a Hercules puppet among a few others that are, frankly, difficult to recall. It’s definitely not “Xena’s” best humor, and it’s strung in amongst mediocrity.
That being said, Lucy’s voices are awesome, especially the gregarious one she used for the “Fate” of the present. And, of course, shipper subtext feels for Xena and Gabrielle’s ultimate exchange of gifts to one another. <3 Swoon.
Disclaimer: Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.
Favorite Quotes:
*for a bard, Gabrielle tells shitty stories, but it influences the plot of the episode*
Gabrielle: That reminds me of a story I heard once.
Children: A story? Tell us!
Gabrielle: OK, OK, OK-- OK, sit down. Once in a land far away, there was this rich, but miserly man named Cresus. And his heart was so hard, that his servants begged the gods to intervene. They sent the Fates to separate the strands of his life, so that he might see himself more clearly. Unfortunately, Cresus didn’t mend his ways.
Children: What? Why not?
Gabrielle: So the gods turned him into a spirit, doomed to walk the Earth forever-- as invisible to others as they were to him in life.
Boy: I don’t like this story.
Gabrielle: Actually, I didn’t like the end to that story, anyway. And I bet we could change it--
Children: Maybe.
Gabrielle: -- if we tried?
*Silvas impersonating Scrooge*
Silvas: Wait a minute. You’re one of those Solstice lovers, aren’t ya? One of those rebels who thinks that everything and everyone should stop once a year-- just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts! Well, you know what I say to that?
Xena: Bet I can guess.
Silvas: Guards! Guards! Quick!
*I enjoy Gabrielle’s take on “normal” life with Xena*
Gabrielle: I completely agree with you. If the plan fails, we punch faces.
*slight snag in the plan when it turns out the queen isn’t a ghost after all*
Gabrielle-as-queen: I’m sorry, Silvas. You’ve grieved long enough. You must forget my death on that Solstice Eve so long ago.
Silvas: Death? What do you mean? You-- you didn’t die. You-- you-- you walked out on me. I don’t understand.
Gabrielle-as-queen: I was speaking metaphorically. We-- we shadows from the past tend to do that.
*Solstice Night lyrics, just cos*
Children: Stars tonight, the skies excite, on Solstice Night, on Solstice Night, Chestnuts burn, the hearth burns bright, Solstice Night is here. Snow so white cast winter's light, On Solstice Night, this quiet night, Our song so light, sends hope of flight, This longest night of the year. Time for wonder, time for cheer, The greatest time of all Can't help it when the love we share, Shines bright in everyone.
*Senticles channels Santa Claus*
Senticles: I did it! The gods be praised! I did it! That chimney-- is dark and cold as a grave. But I just grabbed my sack of toys and-- Ho-ho-ho! Down I came! And, you know what? I liked it! I did-- it was fun! By Zeus! I’m gonna do that every Solstice Eve! Just see if I don’t.
*after knocking guards out with said objects*
Xena: Great stocking stuffers.
*Senticles channels Dirty Harry during fighting*
Senticles: Go ahead-- make my day.
*just to wrap things up, Silvas promising the third “Fate” that he’ll change his ways (slightly less ridiculous than his speech to his long-lost wife)*
Silvas: I-- I don’t want to die alone. I’ve lived that way for thirty years. I can change. I know I can. No! I won’t go with you-- not yet. You’ll see-- I’ll show you. I’ll prove to you, I’m not the man I was. I’m not!
*subtext shipper moment*
Gabrielle: I don’t have a gift for you.
Xena: Gabrielle, you are a gift to me.
___
…I do have a soft spot for the solstice song, maybe because it’s so different. (Kudos, LoDuca.) And in good acting, Lucy and Renee killed it. Lucy got to play around with voices again and Renee handled all of the slapstick comedy since Ted, aka Joxer wasn’t around.
And there were some funny, if ridiculous allusions to the real holiday of discussion here. And just in case you didn’t get the CHRISTMAS sign flashing in red and green lights, we run into a certain couple with their infant in the final few minutes. Sheesh. In an episode where nobody died (because it’s a morality tale, and more fun to beat them senseless with ribbons, bells and stuffed stockings,) that was a real sledgehammer to the brain.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
So the basic premise is that King Silvas was Scrooge, Senticles was Bob Cratchett, and Solstice was Christmas. When hardhearted Silvas taxes his people into poverty and outlaws the celebration of Solstice due to a heartache issue he just can’t get over, Xena and Gabrielle step in to save an orphanage. Because a little orphan boy stole the warrior princess’s chakram to use as a tree ornament. And can I just say, the chakram is as useful in battle, if not more so, when trailing long ropes of thread behind it. :P
Senticles used to be a toymaker before Silvas outlawed the holidays, and I actually liked hearing him and Gabs reminisce over his products. Reminded me of a simpler time of mercantile craftsmanship and imagination, before digital interface took over everything. I know I’m thinking too much. So here’s Senticles dressing in a Santa suit (because somehow that helps with the plan,) lugging his toys as gifts, and deciding to sneak into the orphanage from down the chimney! Ho, ho, ho! Before all this he was the most developed secondary character because he was struggling with how much he wanted to help the girls, vs his fear of prison. Silvas, meanwhile, was completely one-note; a cowardly bully who shivered in bed when Xena confronted him, blamed everyone else for his problems and made his guards do all the dirty work.
Lots of major plot holes—like who exactly was in on the Christmas Carol plan and who wasn’t? Was the orphanage matron, who just so happened to be Silvas’s long-lost wife, in the know? And why did she leave him, because before that it seemed like he was an ok guy before?
And then there’s Gabrielle taking “Solstice pity” on a donkey about to be skinned, and using all of her Operation Christmas Carol budget money on him. But it turned out ok because conveniently, Xena found the queen wife’s cobwebby, abandoned rooms, still decorated for Solstice, to use as Silvas’s trip to the past. Also, due to Gabs buying the ass, we got some slapstick moments of her dressed as a ghost and bobbing around on a rope as the donkey (named Tobias) responded to whistling.
Some other funny moments were Gabrielle playing jingle bells as she knocked guards around with bells, Silvas breaking the sentimental mood in the past room experience by spilling the beans that his wife wasn’t dead but left him, Senticles laying out his plan to basically become Santa Claus, Gabs hula hooping to distract the guards and the chakram ribbon tying those goons up, Xena impaling a guy’s rump on the unicorn horn of a rocker, and beating another with a Hercules puppet among a few others that are, frankly, difficult to recall. It’s definitely not “Xena’s” best humor, and it’s strung in amongst mediocrity.
That being said, Lucy’s voices are awesome, especially the gregarious one she used for the “Fate” of the present. And, of course, shipper subtext feels for Xena and Gabrielle’s ultimate exchange of gifts to one another. <3 Swoon.
Disclaimer: Senticles was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several chimneys are in dire need of repair.
Favorite Quotes:
*for a bard, Gabrielle tells shitty stories, but it influences the plot of the episode*
Gabrielle: That reminds me of a story I heard once.
Children: A story? Tell us!
Gabrielle: OK, OK, OK-- OK, sit down. Once in a land far away, there was this rich, but miserly man named Cresus. And his heart was so hard, that his servants begged the gods to intervene. They sent the Fates to separate the strands of his life, so that he might see himself more clearly. Unfortunately, Cresus didn’t mend his ways.
Children: What? Why not?
Gabrielle: So the gods turned him into a spirit, doomed to walk the Earth forever-- as invisible to others as they were to him in life.
Boy: I don’t like this story.
Gabrielle: Actually, I didn’t like the end to that story, anyway. And I bet we could change it--
Children: Maybe.
Gabrielle: -- if we tried?
*Silvas impersonating Scrooge*
Silvas: Wait a minute. You’re one of those Solstice lovers, aren’t ya? One of those rebels who thinks that everything and everyone should stop once a year-- just to raise a glass, eat a goose, unwrap gifts! Well, you know what I say to that?
Xena: Bet I can guess.
Silvas: Guards! Guards! Quick!
*I enjoy Gabrielle’s take on “normal” life with Xena*
Gabrielle: I completely agree with you. If the plan fails, we punch faces.
*slight snag in the plan when it turns out the queen isn’t a ghost after all*
Gabrielle-as-queen: I’m sorry, Silvas. You’ve grieved long enough. You must forget my death on that Solstice Eve so long ago.
Silvas: Death? What do you mean? You-- you didn’t die. You-- you-- you walked out on me. I don’t understand.
Gabrielle-as-queen: I was speaking metaphorically. We-- we shadows from the past tend to do that.
*Solstice Night lyrics, just cos*
Children: Stars tonight, the skies excite, on Solstice Night, on Solstice Night, Chestnuts burn, the hearth burns bright, Solstice Night is here. Snow so white cast winter's light, On Solstice Night, this quiet night, Our song so light, sends hope of flight, This longest night of the year. Time for wonder, time for cheer, The greatest time of all Can't help it when the love we share, Shines bright in everyone.
*Senticles channels Santa Claus*
Senticles: I did it! The gods be praised! I did it! That chimney-- is dark and cold as a grave. But I just grabbed my sack of toys and-- Ho-ho-ho! Down I came! And, you know what? I liked it! I did-- it was fun! By Zeus! I’m gonna do that every Solstice Eve! Just see if I don’t.
*after knocking guards out with said objects*
Xena: Great stocking stuffers.
*Senticles channels Dirty Harry during fighting*
Senticles: Go ahead-- make my day.
*just to wrap things up, Silvas promising the third “Fate” that he’ll change his ways (slightly less ridiculous than his speech to his long-lost wife)*
Silvas: I-- I don’t want to die alone. I’ve lived that way for thirty years. I can change. I know I can. No! I won’t go with you-- not yet. You’ll see-- I’ll show you. I’ll prove to you, I’m not the man I was. I’m not!
*subtext shipper moment*
Gabrielle: I don’t have a gift for you.
Xena: Gabrielle, you are a gift to me.
___
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