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scifi_rewatchIn terms of Xena look-alikes, this episode basically gives the curtain call to Diana, who appeared last season in “Warrior…Princess” and opens the door wide for Meg. It’s pretty easy to get why the showrunners made this decision. While Diana is Xena’s polar opposite when it comes to her innocence and purity (seriously, she makes Gabrielle look like Callisto,) she’s nowhere near as interesting as the colorful Meg. Lucy Lawless outdoes herself by playing…three? Six? Ten? distinct characters, considering there are three separate people, yet they’re all impersonating each other at various times.
Her acting chops, plus the usual comedy of Gabrielle’s angry bewilderment and Joxer’s usual antics help hoist this episode up, considering that the villain and his plot for domination are pretty lackluster. Lucy also does inject some heart and soul into Meg’s backstory—great feat—and it’s nice to see someone so smitten with Joxer. :P Everyone else pities him at best, but basically it’s just a lot of hate. And lucky for him, Meg will be a recurring character! But enough about spoiling future episodes.
Summary:
Diana, her husband Philemon and their new baby girl call upon the dying King Lias. He’s sent for Xena to help the kingdom transition from his rulership to his daughter’s.
In a tavern nearby, Joxer spins tales about singlehandedly stopping Callisto last ep until Gabrielle arrives and puts a stop to it. She’s under the impression that Xena is in Thebes and will meet her here tomorrow, but Joxer insists that she’s already been to the tavern and his heading to Lias’s now. More to the point…Joxer and Xena have been intimate. :O Gabs whacks him for soiling Xena’s reputation, then goes riding off after her friend.
Diana meets Xena in the courtyard, though something seems a bit off. Xena’s been drinking, first off, and sounds a little slurred…then she introduces this goon-looking guy, Agis, as her advisor. Diana takes it all in stride and tells the guards to do whatever Xena asks. As she and Argis leave, Gabs comes in and starts yammering about communication skills—wtf is with arriving early and btw Joxer is being a douche in town? Xena throws her into the dungeon! :O
In her new rooms, Xena sounds quite a bit different, more crass, as she opens the door for Agis. He let’s slip the backstory—this is Meg, a “tramp” that he fished out of the gutter because she looks like Xena and Diana. But she’s blowing her cover by sending Gabs to the dungeon. Fix it! Meg is more interested in switching from Xena to Diana. Agis lays out his evil plan of waging war and enslaving people once Meg-as-Diana ascends the floor. Meanwhile, Meg is using her fake wooden chakram as a top. :P Agis breaks it when he snatches it away from her. Like most villains, he’s impatient and mad.
Gabrielle paces and talks to herself trying to figure out what’s going on. Meg-as-Xena enters and tries to spin some yarn about protecting her from harm. Just stay here for now. Also, don’t reach out to Diana because she’s in danger, too. The guards take this as fact, so Gabs is stuck. Outside, Meg tells “Aggie” that Gabs will stay quiet. “Aggie” is pissed about his nickname, and confident that the real Xena won’t get here.
The real Xena walks into the tavern from earlier, and the men around her immediately start acting lewd. She shows a few of them who’s boss, just in time for some of Agis’s goons to walk in. Sensing more trouble, Xena orders a strong drink and spits fire on them. …I think “Aggie” should have reckoned for a better plan. :P
Meg, still dressed in Xena’s clothes, plays Clint Eastwood with herself in the mirror before getting her sword caught in the ceiling. She breaks the table to get it down, then hears Joxer’s dulcet tones from below, trying to enter the castle. She tells the guard to let him through, then attacks him (sexually) when he’s inside. Joxer’s a bit bewildered, but he says he’s taking Gabby’s words to heart and doesn’t want to sully Xeen’s reputation. Meg poo-poos this; she might execute Gabs anyway. :P Joxer wrenches himself away to serve her outside of her presence. Then immediately gets lost and decides that Diana, whom he takes as Xena doing a quick wardrobe change, is too hot to pass up. One butt clutch later and he’s in the clinker with Gabrielle. :P
The real Xena rides Argo into the courtyard, much to the confusion of the guards. She finds Diana weeping, tells her there’s more trouble afoot, but Diana’s too distraught about Lias to talk about it. As soon as Xena leaves, we realize this is Meg. Agis and his goons pull back the curtain by the wall—they’ve got Diana by the mouth!
In the dungeon, Gabs catches Joxer up to the fact that Diana and Xena are lookalikes, but that still doesn’t explain Joxer’s Xeen-shaped hickies. :P Gabs is more than mortified when Joxer suggests marriage to the warrior princess and adoption of the bard. Luckily Diana comes down to greet them—so they think—and feeds Gabs the same story about staying put. Joxer, meanwhile, she takes upstairs for some smooching. But the baby’s wetnurse pulls her away before things can get too hot and heavy. Meg-as-Diana must sing to her…she chooses “99 bottles of beer on the wall.” (Bored Look on Lucy’s face=priceless.)
Joxer runs into the real Xena, then almost loses his life when he pinches her bum. He tells her that Gabs is in the dungeon “where you put her!” Xena doesn’t have much time to be confused; she and Joxer must hide as Meg and Agis come into the room. Fortunately, they explain the backstory. :P Agis is also a bit physically rough with Meg, pulling a knife on her as he degrades her a bit further. Obviously not a nice guy.
A frustrated battling bard is punching the hell out of her pillow and explodes at her real best friend as she comes to take her out of there. Luckily they explain the whole three look-alikes thing off camera. Xena proves she’s the real one by throwing her chakram and catching it just before it goes into Gabby’s neck. Yikes. The plan is to figure out where the real Diana is imprisoned. Xena impersonates Meg while dragging a tied up Gabs behind her to convince one of Agis’s goons to show her where Diana is chained up. It happens to be on a wall next to a bunch of skeletons, but she’s mostly upset about sitting on the hard ground. :P Xena plays the Meg part until all the guards are at ease, then she and Gab knock them out. So Diana is freed, but Agis still has one card left to play…the baby is gone!
Diana and Philemon lead Xena (dressed as the princess) and Gabrielle to a secret chamber where the warrior princess wants the royal couple to stay for their protection. Though the parents want to go out there and find their baby, they agree to cooperate. Xena sends Gabs to look after Meg while she takes care of the rest. Outside, Joxer tries to jump her (sexually) and ends up shoved against the wall. Although this isn’t his lady love, he implores Xena to go easy on Meg; she’s just a victim here. Xena isn’t so sure. But further talk is impossible; she smooches Joxer as Agis comes by, thinking she’s Meg. They go off in private.
The real Meg is playing with her cleavage when Gabs enters. They go into an all-out cat fight where Meg really holds her own for awhile until Gabby finally gets the upper hand. Meg professes innocence—Agis forced her—but then admits that she has some culpability in what’s happening here. Gabs lets her go, feeling sympathy based on appearance association. :P But Meg is a pretty tragic character on her own; abandoned by her parents, on her own since she was ten, seemingly constantly at the mercy of guys like Agis. It’s all a bit stereotypical, but Lucy plays it so well. Gabs and I are moved. :P
Agis talks to Xena-as-Meg about quickening the plan to kill the king now that Xena and Diana are on the lose. X-as-M suggests stabbing, eg give me a sword, but Joxer ruins the moment by stumbling in, outing Xena, and getting captured. Luckily Xena dispatches them quickly enough, but cover blown.
King Lias, meanwhile, stumbles into the room where Meg and Gabs are. Mistaking Meg for his daughter, he gives her the paternal listening ear that she’s always craved. But before things can get too mushy, Agis and his goons are here! They catch up Gabrielle and then tells “this slag” to stab the king. But Meg turns the knife on Agis instead! Luckily, Xena and Joxer arrive before Meg bites it. She gets the king out of there while the others fight. When Agis and his goons are dispatched for now, Xena goes to them and tells Meg to look after Lias, repeating her line that basically it’s never too late to start being a good person. Alone with the king, she starts to tell him about how she likes to cook before he passes out.
Agis, meanwhile, is on his feet again and snatches up the baby from where she’s been imprisoned with the wet nurse. They tie the baby basket to the ceiling to dangle before a fire…but someone dressed as Xena comes in! Obviously Diana, who fumbles with her weapons as the goons grab her. Then there’s another one…pulling out her “shamrock.” :P Hello, Meg. Finally the real Xena (still dressed as Diana) flips in. Fighting begins anew, with the poor baby constantly being dropped and lifted to the fire. We do get some nice aerial shots. Agis and his goons are finally put down for the last time. Meg tells Diana that she should go see her father asap.
While King Lias tries to make sense of Diana dressed as Xena and Xena dressed as Diana, Gabs and Megs talk quietly on the other side of the door. Meg, dejected, thinks she’s headed to jail, and Gabs says if it were up to her she’d give her a second chance. Meanwhile Philemon comes out to tell Meg the king wants to speak to her. Lias tells a guilty-looking Meg that she’s definitely done some bad things…but he wants her as his personal cook! Meg brightens right up.
In the final scene, she’s finally dressed in her own clothes, ye standard peasant. She and the girls part on good terms—as for Joxer, they share a quiet moment alone, which ends with the suggestion of a sexual tryst in the kitchens. :P Maybe Meg shouldn’t steal the silverware first. :P And poor Joxer is desperate for Xena and Gabs to want him around as a protector, but as the warrior princess says about his lady love, “she won’t wait forever.”
Disclaimer: Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.
Thoughts:
An amusing comedic episode, and I gotta say I like Meg, and the fact that she’ll actually stay around and grow as a character (there’s more stuff coming up for her and Joxer. :P) I can’t sing Lucy Lawless’s praises enough this episode, and Renee and Ted do great as well with their roles.
Agis leaves much to be desired as an evil mastermind. Mostly I like the way he’s emotionally cruel and dismissive of Meg, which plays into her low self-esteem (plus is a realistic way that many people treat “slutty” women, especially prostitutes. On that note, I appreciate that Gabs—in the beginning—disliked her for her treasonous actions, not her sexual ones.)
Lias’s illness was obviously a plot device. I couldn’t keep up with how many times he was near death and then fine again—likely to live for years. :O Honestly, why not just give him a nice send off and let Diana’s story end with her as queen? (With that in mind, I like that the impetus was more on Diana and her female daughter, not hubby Philemon, ascending the throne. :D “Xena” is some female-power awesome.)
Is it bad that I’ll sort of miss Diana? I do like continuity, after all, with her and Lias and Philemon coming back. But in the grand scheme of things, how many different roles can Lucy play on this show? Maybe I’d better not answer that. :P
The music accompanying real Xena and Argo to the castle was surprisingly dramatic. But otherwise the showrunners did well maintaining the comedic beats. Gotta appreciate that dangling baby. :P What is it with this show and babies.
Favorite Quotes:
*Gabs sets the record straight about Callisto*
Gabrielle: You know, I don’t remember it that way.
Joxer: Well, that’s because you were tied up at the time.
Gabrielle: So were you.
*Gabs and Meg don’t start off on the right foot*
Gabrielle: We need to work on communication, here. I thought you said we were gonna meet at the tavern tomorrow. And what happened with Joxer to make him think you were in love with him?. You have to watch what you say to this guy. He’s a little crazy. He had this whole bar thinking you were some kind of low-life tramp.
M/X: Guard! Throw this big-mouthed idiot in the dungeon!
*Obligatory sex joke*
Agis: Let me remind you of reality, Meg. You’re a filthy tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you look like Xena\ and Diana. You’re useful to me only if you’re a convincing thespian.
Meg: You never said nothing about no kinky stuff.
*the Warrior Princess breaks some hearts*
Xena: Well, I take it you’re not looking for a kiss.”
Agis’s goon: No, I want your heart.
Xena: You’re not my type.
*Meg-as-Xena has a proposition for Joxer*
Joxer: Now, OK, OK, one of us has to be strong and it’s-- Listen, so I’ll be outside your window, should you need my sword at your service.
M/X: I need your sword in my service right now.
*Joxer’s plan in light of his new relationship with “Xena”*
Joxer: We could all travel around together. Xena and I could be like a father and mother to you.
Gabrielle: Guards! Please! Please! Please! I’ve got to get out of here!
*Joxer and the girls try to find Diana*
Joxer: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-- How am I supposed to know who the _real_ Diana is?”
Xena: Well, if you come across a woman, and she looks exactly like me, and she displays any interest in you whatsoever as a man, that’s the bad one.
*Diana is still Diana*
Diana: Well, I’ve been sitting on this cold ground almost the entire day-- Who could survive that?
Gabrielle: A cold bottom isn’t fatal.
Diana: Says you.
*Gabrielle gets to know the real Meg*
Meg: Look at you-- looking down at me. Ah, that’s all right. I’m used to it. Snotty brats like you always hate girls like me.
Gabrielle: What do you expect with what you’ve been doing?
Meg: What was I supposed to do? Agis said that he’d kill me if I didn’t do everything he said.
Gabrielle: I suppose none of this is your fault, is it?
Meg: I didn’t say that. It’s all my fault. My whole stinkin’ life’s my fault.
Gabrielle: You know, I shouldn’t feel for you, but you just, you look so much like my best friend.
Meg: I don’t want your pity. I’ve been on my own since I was 10 years old. I’m tougher inside than you’ll ever be.
*Xena’s usual schtick with fallen people*
Xena: I want you to stay here and take care of the king.
Meg: No. No, see, you must not have been paying attention. I’m no good.
Xena: You got the king to safety, I saw you.
Meg: Yeah, well that was my one good deed for the year. Believe me, you don’t want to be leaving anybody’s life in my hands. I’m a low-life.”
Xena: I don’t care what you’ve done in your past. Do good now and you are good.
*And finally Lias extends forgiveness to Meg*
Lias: They told me about the plot you were mixed up in. You were right. You’ve done some very bad things.
Meg: Well, I told you; I’m trash.
Lias: Stop it. I don’t ever want to hear anyone say things like that about my personal cook.
*…but not all old habits are easily broken :P*
Meg: So long, Joxer. Ditch the broads and double back-- I’ll leave the kitchen door open for you.
___
Her acting chops, plus the usual comedy of Gabrielle’s angry bewilderment and Joxer’s usual antics help hoist this episode up, considering that the villain and his plot for domination are pretty lackluster. Lucy also does inject some heart and soul into Meg’s backstory—great feat—and it’s nice to see someone so smitten with Joxer. :P Everyone else pities him at best, but basically it’s just a lot of hate. And lucky for him, Meg will be a recurring character! But enough about spoiling future episodes.
Summary:
Diana, her husband Philemon and their new baby girl call upon the dying King Lias. He’s sent for Xena to help the kingdom transition from his rulership to his daughter’s.
In a tavern nearby, Joxer spins tales about singlehandedly stopping Callisto last ep until Gabrielle arrives and puts a stop to it. She’s under the impression that Xena is in Thebes and will meet her here tomorrow, but Joxer insists that she’s already been to the tavern and his heading to Lias’s now. More to the point…Joxer and Xena have been intimate. :O Gabs whacks him for soiling Xena’s reputation, then goes riding off after her friend.
Diana meets Xena in the courtyard, though something seems a bit off. Xena’s been drinking, first off, and sounds a little slurred…then she introduces this goon-looking guy, Agis, as her advisor. Diana takes it all in stride and tells the guards to do whatever Xena asks. As she and Argis leave, Gabs comes in and starts yammering about communication skills—wtf is with arriving early and btw Joxer is being a douche in town? Xena throws her into the dungeon! :O
In her new rooms, Xena sounds quite a bit different, more crass, as she opens the door for Agis. He let’s slip the backstory—this is Meg, a “tramp” that he fished out of the gutter because she looks like Xena and Diana. But she’s blowing her cover by sending Gabs to the dungeon. Fix it! Meg is more interested in switching from Xena to Diana. Agis lays out his evil plan of waging war and enslaving people once Meg-as-Diana ascends the floor. Meanwhile, Meg is using her fake wooden chakram as a top. :P Agis breaks it when he snatches it away from her. Like most villains, he’s impatient and mad.
Gabrielle paces and talks to herself trying to figure out what’s going on. Meg-as-Xena enters and tries to spin some yarn about protecting her from harm. Just stay here for now. Also, don’t reach out to Diana because she’s in danger, too. The guards take this as fact, so Gabs is stuck. Outside, Meg tells “Aggie” that Gabs will stay quiet. “Aggie” is pissed about his nickname, and confident that the real Xena won’t get here.
The real Xena walks into the tavern from earlier, and the men around her immediately start acting lewd. She shows a few of them who’s boss, just in time for some of Agis’s goons to walk in. Sensing more trouble, Xena orders a strong drink and spits fire on them. …I think “Aggie” should have reckoned for a better plan. :P
Meg, still dressed in Xena’s clothes, plays Clint Eastwood with herself in the mirror before getting her sword caught in the ceiling. She breaks the table to get it down, then hears Joxer’s dulcet tones from below, trying to enter the castle. She tells the guard to let him through, then attacks him (sexually) when he’s inside. Joxer’s a bit bewildered, but he says he’s taking Gabby’s words to heart and doesn’t want to sully Xeen’s reputation. Meg poo-poos this; she might execute Gabs anyway. :P Joxer wrenches himself away to serve her outside of her presence. Then immediately gets lost and decides that Diana, whom he takes as Xena doing a quick wardrobe change, is too hot to pass up. One butt clutch later and he’s in the clinker with Gabrielle. :P
The real Xena rides Argo into the courtyard, much to the confusion of the guards. She finds Diana weeping, tells her there’s more trouble afoot, but Diana’s too distraught about Lias to talk about it. As soon as Xena leaves, we realize this is Meg. Agis and his goons pull back the curtain by the wall—they’ve got Diana by the mouth!
In the dungeon, Gabs catches Joxer up to the fact that Diana and Xena are lookalikes, but that still doesn’t explain Joxer’s Xeen-shaped hickies. :P Gabs is more than mortified when Joxer suggests marriage to the warrior princess and adoption of the bard. Luckily Diana comes down to greet them—so they think—and feeds Gabs the same story about staying put. Joxer, meanwhile, she takes upstairs for some smooching. But the baby’s wetnurse pulls her away before things can get too hot and heavy. Meg-as-Diana must sing to her…she chooses “99 bottles of beer on the wall.” (Bored Look on Lucy’s face=priceless.)
Joxer runs into the real Xena, then almost loses his life when he pinches her bum. He tells her that Gabs is in the dungeon “where you put her!” Xena doesn’t have much time to be confused; she and Joxer must hide as Meg and Agis come into the room. Fortunately, they explain the backstory. :P Agis is also a bit physically rough with Meg, pulling a knife on her as he degrades her a bit further. Obviously not a nice guy.
A frustrated battling bard is punching the hell out of her pillow and explodes at her real best friend as she comes to take her out of there. Luckily they explain the whole three look-alikes thing off camera. Xena proves she’s the real one by throwing her chakram and catching it just before it goes into Gabby’s neck. Yikes. The plan is to figure out where the real Diana is imprisoned. Xena impersonates Meg while dragging a tied up Gabs behind her to convince one of Agis’s goons to show her where Diana is chained up. It happens to be on a wall next to a bunch of skeletons, but she’s mostly upset about sitting on the hard ground. :P Xena plays the Meg part until all the guards are at ease, then she and Gab knock them out. So Diana is freed, but Agis still has one card left to play…the baby is gone!
Diana and Philemon lead Xena (dressed as the princess) and Gabrielle to a secret chamber where the warrior princess wants the royal couple to stay for their protection. Though the parents want to go out there and find their baby, they agree to cooperate. Xena sends Gabs to look after Meg while she takes care of the rest. Outside, Joxer tries to jump her (sexually) and ends up shoved against the wall. Although this isn’t his lady love, he implores Xena to go easy on Meg; she’s just a victim here. Xena isn’t so sure. But further talk is impossible; she smooches Joxer as Agis comes by, thinking she’s Meg. They go off in private.
The real Meg is playing with her cleavage when Gabs enters. They go into an all-out cat fight where Meg really holds her own for awhile until Gabby finally gets the upper hand. Meg professes innocence—Agis forced her—but then admits that she has some culpability in what’s happening here. Gabs lets her go, feeling sympathy based on appearance association. :P But Meg is a pretty tragic character on her own; abandoned by her parents, on her own since she was ten, seemingly constantly at the mercy of guys like Agis. It’s all a bit stereotypical, but Lucy plays it so well. Gabs and I are moved. :P
Agis talks to Xena-as-Meg about quickening the plan to kill the king now that Xena and Diana are on the lose. X-as-M suggests stabbing, eg give me a sword, but Joxer ruins the moment by stumbling in, outing Xena, and getting captured. Luckily Xena dispatches them quickly enough, but cover blown.
King Lias, meanwhile, stumbles into the room where Meg and Gabs are. Mistaking Meg for his daughter, he gives her the paternal listening ear that she’s always craved. But before things can get too mushy, Agis and his goons are here! They catch up Gabrielle and then tells “this slag” to stab the king. But Meg turns the knife on Agis instead! Luckily, Xena and Joxer arrive before Meg bites it. She gets the king out of there while the others fight. When Agis and his goons are dispatched for now, Xena goes to them and tells Meg to look after Lias, repeating her line that basically it’s never too late to start being a good person. Alone with the king, she starts to tell him about how she likes to cook before he passes out.
Agis, meanwhile, is on his feet again and snatches up the baby from where she’s been imprisoned with the wet nurse. They tie the baby basket to the ceiling to dangle before a fire…but someone dressed as Xena comes in! Obviously Diana, who fumbles with her weapons as the goons grab her. Then there’s another one…pulling out her “shamrock.” :P Hello, Meg. Finally the real Xena (still dressed as Diana) flips in. Fighting begins anew, with the poor baby constantly being dropped and lifted to the fire. We do get some nice aerial shots. Agis and his goons are finally put down for the last time. Meg tells Diana that she should go see her father asap.
While King Lias tries to make sense of Diana dressed as Xena and Xena dressed as Diana, Gabs and Megs talk quietly on the other side of the door. Meg, dejected, thinks she’s headed to jail, and Gabs says if it were up to her she’d give her a second chance. Meanwhile Philemon comes out to tell Meg the king wants to speak to her. Lias tells a guilty-looking Meg that she’s definitely done some bad things…but he wants her as his personal cook! Meg brightens right up.
In the final scene, she’s finally dressed in her own clothes, ye standard peasant. She and the girls part on good terms—as for Joxer, they share a quiet moment alone, which ends with the suggestion of a sexual tryst in the kitchens. :P Maybe Meg shouldn’t steal the silverware first. :P And poor Joxer is desperate for Xena and Gabs to want him around as a protector, but as the warrior princess says about his lady love, “she won’t wait forever.”
Disclaimer: Neither Xena nor her remarkably coincidental identical twin, Diana, were harmed during the production of this motion picture. Meg, however, suffered minor injuries while preparing Aardvark nuggets for King Lias.
Thoughts:
An amusing comedic episode, and I gotta say I like Meg, and the fact that she’ll actually stay around and grow as a character (there’s more stuff coming up for her and Joxer. :P) I can’t sing Lucy Lawless’s praises enough this episode, and Renee and Ted do great as well with their roles.
Agis leaves much to be desired as an evil mastermind. Mostly I like the way he’s emotionally cruel and dismissive of Meg, which plays into her low self-esteem (plus is a realistic way that many people treat “slutty” women, especially prostitutes. On that note, I appreciate that Gabs—in the beginning—disliked her for her treasonous actions, not her sexual ones.)
Lias’s illness was obviously a plot device. I couldn’t keep up with how many times he was near death and then fine again—likely to live for years. :O Honestly, why not just give him a nice send off and let Diana’s story end with her as queen? (With that in mind, I like that the impetus was more on Diana and her female daughter, not hubby Philemon, ascending the throne. :D “Xena” is some female-power awesome.)
Is it bad that I’ll sort of miss Diana? I do like continuity, after all, with her and Lias and Philemon coming back. But in the grand scheme of things, how many different roles can Lucy play on this show? Maybe I’d better not answer that. :P
The music accompanying real Xena and Argo to the castle was surprisingly dramatic. But otherwise the showrunners did well maintaining the comedic beats. Gotta appreciate that dangling baby. :P What is it with this show and babies.
Favorite Quotes:
*Gabs sets the record straight about Callisto*
Gabrielle: You know, I don’t remember it that way.
Joxer: Well, that’s because you were tied up at the time.
Gabrielle: So were you.
*Gabs and Meg don’t start off on the right foot*
Gabrielle: We need to work on communication, here. I thought you said we were gonna meet at the tavern tomorrow. And what happened with Joxer to make him think you were in love with him?. You have to watch what you say to this guy. He’s a little crazy. He had this whole bar thinking you were some kind of low-life tramp.
M/X: Guard! Throw this big-mouthed idiot in the dungeon!
*Obligatory sex joke*
Agis: Let me remind you of reality, Meg. You’re a filthy tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you look like Xena\ and Diana. You’re useful to me only if you’re a convincing thespian.
Meg: You never said nothing about no kinky stuff.
*the Warrior Princess breaks some hearts*
Xena: Well, I take it you’re not looking for a kiss.”
Agis’s goon: No, I want your heart.
Xena: You’re not my type.
*Meg-as-Xena has a proposition for Joxer*
Joxer: Now, OK, OK, one of us has to be strong and it’s-- Listen, so I’ll be outside your window, should you need my sword at your service.
M/X: I need your sword in my service right now.
*Joxer’s plan in light of his new relationship with “Xena”*
Joxer: We could all travel around together. Xena and I could be like a father and mother to you.
Gabrielle: Guards! Please! Please! Please! I’ve got to get out of here!
*Joxer and the girls try to find Diana*
Joxer: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait-- How am I supposed to know who the _real_ Diana is?”
Xena: Well, if you come across a woman, and she looks exactly like me, and she displays any interest in you whatsoever as a man, that’s the bad one.
*Diana is still Diana*
Diana: Well, I’ve been sitting on this cold ground almost the entire day-- Who could survive that?
Gabrielle: A cold bottom isn’t fatal.
Diana: Says you.
*Gabrielle gets to know the real Meg*
Meg: Look at you-- looking down at me. Ah, that’s all right. I’m used to it. Snotty brats like you always hate girls like me.
Gabrielle: What do you expect with what you’ve been doing?
Meg: What was I supposed to do? Agis said that he’d kill me if I didn’t do everything he said.
Gabrielle: I suppose none of this is your fault, is it?
Meg: I didn’t say that. It’s all my fault. My whole stinkin’ life’s my fault.
Gabrielle: You know, I shouldn’t feel for you, but you just, you look so much like my best friend.
Meg: I don’t want your pity. I’ve been on my own since I was 10 years old. I’m tougher inside than you’ll ever be.
*Xena’s usual schtick with fallen people*
Xena: I want you to stay here and take care of the king.
Meg: No. No, see, you must not have been paying attention. I’m no good.
Xena: You got the king to safety, I saw you.
Meg: Yeah, well that was my one good deed for the year. Believe me, you don’t want to be leaving anybody’s life in my hands. I’m a low-life.”
Xena: I don’t care what you’ve done in your past. Do good now and you are good.
*And finally Lias extends forgiveness to Meg*
Lias: They told me about the plot you were mixed up in. You were right. You’ve done some very bad things.
Meg: Well, I told you; I’m trash.
Lias: Stop it. I don’t ever want to hear anyone say things like that about my personal cook.
*…but not all old habits are easily broken :P*
Meg: So long, Joxer. Ditch the broads and double back-- I’ll leave the kitchen door open for you.
___
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