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scifi_rewatchSometimes "Xena" does a great job in putting a modern face on a Greco-Roman story...sometimes, not so much. In the episode "Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts," referenced in this one due to some crossover and continuity issues, Helen was given far more control, and opinion, over her own fate. But with Odysseus--er, I mean Ulysees--it's a little more hit or miss. I was drawn to the swagger of the actor, SeaQuest alum John D’Aquino, but it turns out, both in story and action execution, there's something a little phony about this updated character.
Pshaw, fine, so you change the name of "The Odyssey" protagonist (Homer was one of Gabrielle's boy toys in season one, so he might not mind :p), but completely eviscerating Athena?? For shame! Pretty sure she'd send a pox down on you for that. But--thanks to the special effects budget, no doubt--even Posiedon, whom we first meet this ep, couldn't live up to his threats. Alas.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
Apparently, a big impetus for penning this episode was fans writing in about the Poseidon shot in the opening credits. Not sure I ever knew that it was just meant to be window dressing at first, but I'm glad they went the extra mile to show the god of the sea. Ok, fine, the CGI is pretty dated, but that's part of the charm. :p. I also like the callback to Xena blinding a cyclops of her own at the beginning of the series. This episode was considerate with continuity, also taking the moment to remind us that Xena and Greek-fighter Ulysees should be enemies because of Troy...but explaining that away with the "war=hell" excuse didn't feel like a copout to me. It felt like a genuine response to that ten-year bloodbath. If that's my modern brain talking, well, this is basically the only time when I felt this contemporary retelling was par for the course.
As a modern day woman, I find Odysseus far from appealing. I mean, the dude spent ten years sleeping with sea nymphs and then turned Penelope's home into a killing spree. Did he really love her, or did he just feel entitled to his lands, his son, her body? But actually, a quick review of the story proves that maybe I'm being too cynical on that count. In terms of love, at least, they're both incredibly loyal. Which only makes our "Ulysees," who immediately spurs his wife's affections and tries to hitch a ride with Xena, look all the more bad. There's just a lot wrong with his character; by anyone's standards, he's no hero. And that's not just because Xena has to secretly help him string the legendary bow. :p. I can forgive that one.
The man can talk a good talk and hold his own in battle (though apparently the actor couldn't actually keep up with Lucy's moves, and was reduced mostly to head shots,) but what's with the boy toy thing again? As Cher would say, that's so last season. :p. Xena, for her part, didn't seem that interested, but I think the writers really dropped the ball with this issue. They really didn't want to commit to her true feelings, whether she was attracted to him or not. I'm assuming that they kind of wanted her to be, to drive up more drama, but it REALLY wasn't working. First of all, no chemistry. Secondly, his own lack of commitment to his own quest--working so hard to get to Ithaca and Penelope, but then ready to abandon them for the first woman who crosses his path--makes him far less than appealing. I'm having a tough time believing that Xena could ever feel something for someone with so little personal conviction and moral fiber.
My favorite part of the sea journey, no doubt, was Xena trumping the sirens. :p. Again, I have no idea what the show was trying to do with that atonal, inhuman wailing, but give me Lucy Lawless undulating melody any day. :p I'm with you there Ulysees. Other than the sirens, Posidon sends a minor storm and a major case of seasickness for Gabrielle. :p. Cue the comedy. She was already into that role, when she stole back Ulysees's ship from pirates with "seductive" dancing (and occasional bagpipe-assisted ass kicking when the brutes got too close. :p). Fem Pop found this to be a little too over the top, but I enjoyed it. I mean, how else can you treat this episode? :p
Uh...trying to think of anything else pertinent to say about this one before going to my finale graf. Losing more and more respect for this episode all the time. Poseidon was voiced by "Xena" director, Charles Seibert. He mentions Ares's interest in the warrior princess as a way to try to keep her out of his Ulysees affairs; nice bit of world building continuity there. Surely we will see the god of war again someday! SeaQuest was created by the architect of "Farscape," Rockne S. O'Bannon! Ted "Joxer" Raimi played a recurring role. I seem to be stuck in a loop of six degrees of favorite scifi/fantasy shows...I guess I know who I like! Geek Cred.
Ok, so finale. The only part of this episode that truly works...Xena and Gabrielle. Perhaps the most damning aspect to the failed Xena/Ulysees connection attempt is how much chemistry Lucy and Renee really have together. Like when Xena was telling Gabs about love...does anyone really think that had anything to do with our never-to-be-seen-again guest star? Even bringing up the Perdicas subplot only proved how shallow this one was. And how there's more authenticity in Xena/Gabby teasing each other on a recurring basis about the bard's "smell the flowers" philosophy and the warrior princess's stoicism. Man, those gals rocked it as usual this episode. So glad this show is all about them. :D
Disclaimer: Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling, Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Favorite Quotes:
*real flirtation going on here*
Gabrielle: Isn’t it beautiful?
Xena: Yeah, it’s all right.
Gabrielle: It’s all right? You have to learn to smell the flowers.
Xena: What flowers?
Gabrielle: That’s an expression. You have to enjoy the peaceful moments in life. You know, everything can’t be an adventure all the time. Like right now. I want you to close your eyes, and just listen.
Xena: To what?
Gabrielle: To nature speaking to us. It’ll give you a wonderful sense of peace. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Xena: Seagulls.
Gabrielle: OK, now, what do you-- what do you feel when you think of seagulls?
Xena: I feel irritated because they’re so noisy.
*later, as they watch Ulysees fight pirates*
Gabrielle: Three against one. Aren’t we gonna help him? What are you doing?
Xena: Ah, following your advice.
Gabrielle: What do you mean?
Xena: Just smelling the flowers.
*Gabrielle knows her stories*
Xena: “Those guys don’t like you very much, Ulysses.”
Ulysees: They don’t even know me. They owe their allegiance to someone who doesn’t want me to reach my kingdom.
Xena: And where is your kingdom?
Ulysees: Ithaca.
Gabrielle: “You’re that Ulysses?
*Xena owns the gods*
Posidon: Xena, stay out of this. My nephew, Ares, has a fondness for you. I won’t be as patient with you meddling in my affairs.
Xena: What have you got against Ulysses, Poseidon?
Posidon: He blinded my son, Polyphemus.
Xena: You blinded a Cyclops? I’ve done the same, myself.
Posidon: What was that?!
*oh, the backstories and puns*
Ulysees: On the way back from Troy, we stopped at Polyphemus’ island.
Xena: That doesn’t sound wise.
Ulysees: We needed food. We were hungry. Unfortunately, so was that one-eyed monster.
Xena: Huh.
Gabrielle: He tried to bite off more than he could chew, I take it.
Ulysees: Yep. I definitely wasn’t on his diet.
*war is hell; putting the past behind us*
Xena: Ulysses-- there’s something you should know. At Troy--
Ulysees: You fought with the Trojans against us.
Xena: My only interest there was to stop the war and help my friend, Helen.
Ulysees: That war was madness-- ten senseless bloody years. It’s behind me, now. The only enemies I recognize today are those who stand between me-- and Ithaca. I welcome your help.
Gabrielle: What a man.
Xena: Well.
*Xena and Gabrielle turn from sexy to ass-kicking*
Pirate: So, you like it rough, do you?
Gabrielle: Love it!
Xena: Hey, boys. I want in on the fun, too.
*as Xena plays Florence Nightingale*
Ulysees: For someone who’s so good at splitting heads, you have a very gentle touch.
*the most authentic part of Xena accepting Ulysees’s offer to sail to Ithaca*
Ulysees: We’d be going up against a god. Your friend--
Gabrielle: -- goes where Xena goes.
Xena: I learned a long time ago not to try and leave her out of anything.
*Xena’s Eowyn moment*
Gabrielle: Sirens? Their song is said to call all men who hear it to their death on the rocks of the island.
Xena: All men-- I’m not a man.
Ulysees: Yeah, I’ve noticed.
*subtext mockery of Gabby’s seasickness*
Xena: Hey, Gabrielle, how’s it hanging? Yep, the peaceful grandeur of the sea sure has a kick to it, doesn’t it? Maybe you should just close your eyes and smell the seagulls.
Gabrielle: Xena, I will remember that, in my moment of misery, you chose levity rather than sympathy.
*Ulysees’s modern conception of love, and Xena looking to the wrong soulmate. Talk about foreshadowing*
Xena: I don’t want to get in the way of your homecoming.
Ulysees: No, you wouldn’t. You’d be the best part about it. Xena, I don’t know how to say this. And I’m sure I’m gonna say it all wrong. I mean, I haven’t known you very long, and yet-- in the short time that, I feel that we’ve sp-- I think I’m falling in love with you. I know I’m moving fast, but I’ve never felt like this about any woman. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking—What about my wife? I was just a boy when I was with her. And we were both very shy. I felt like I never really knew her. Sometimes at Troy when I would think of her, I’d wonder if it was her I loved so much, or my ideal of her.
Xena: No, I’m sure she was very special.
Ulysees: She was-- very. Yet, with you-- I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Do you think I’m crazy?
Xena: I don’t know. She believes that everyone has a soulmate on earth made just for them.
*seriously, does anyone think Xena is really talking about Ulysees here?*
Gabrielle: Xena, do you remember what you told me when-- when Perdicas asked me to marry him? You said that seeing me happy would make you happy. I feel the same way.
Xena: Gabrielle, you’ve been so good for me. I don’t think I would ever have let myself feel the way I feel now about Ulysses if it wasn’t for you teaching me how to love.
*iconic lines from mythology*
Penelope: The first man-- who can string this bow—will be my king.
*the right reaction to this plot. Too bad Xena looked unsure*
Ulysees: I don’t believe you. I think you are in love with me.
Xena: Well, isn’t that just a typical man? I give you a few smiles and a kiss, and you’re convinced that I’m in love with you. You’re kidding yourself. I was embarrassed with all that mush you were spewing the other night. The only reason I didn’t shoot you down right then is because I didn’t think you could handle it. So let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses--You’re not my type.
*Ulysees—not as driven as Odysseus towards his goal. Thankfully he’s got Xena to help him*
Ulysees: Now, enough with the tough talk. I now know what you were doing when you said those things. You were giving me a fair chance to get back with Penelope, and I’m-- I’m afraid it backfired. When I figured out what you were doing, I-- I loved you more than ever.
Xena: What about Penelope?
Ulysees: I don’t love her, anymore.
Xena: Does she love you? She does.
Ulysees: I don’t know if she loves me; I don’t know--
Xena: Ulysses, your kingdom needs you. Your wife needs you. You’re home at last. Whatever you feel toward me will pass.
*…and that’s not the only way. :P*
Gabrielle: Yeah-- she is. Do you think that he knows that you helped him with the bow?
Xena: No-- I don’t think anyone knows, and I want it to stay that way. This is Ulysses’ story. And for years the people of Ithaca will talk about how he bent that bow. It’s the way it should be.
___
Pshaw, fine, so you change the name of "The Odyssey" protagonist (Homer was one of Gabrielle's boy toys in season one, so he might not mind :p), but completely eviscerating Athena?? For shame! Pretty sure she'd send a pox down on you for that. But--thanks to the special effects budget, no doubt--even Posiedon, whom we first meet this ep, couldn't live up to his threats. Alas.
Summary is here, courtesy of whoosh.org.
Apparently, a big impetus for penning this episode was fans writing in about the Poseidon shot in the opening credits. Not sure I ever knew that it was just meant to be window dressing at first, but I'm glad they went the extra mile to show the god of the sea. Ok, fine, the CGI is pretty dated, but that's part of the charm. :p. I also like the callback to Xena blinding a cyclops of her own at the beginning of the series. This episode was considerate with continuity, also taking the moment to remind us that Xena and Greek-fighter Ulysees should be enemies because of Troy...but explaining that away with the "war=hell" excuse didn't feel like a copout to me. It felt like a genuine response to that ten-year bloodbath. If that's my modern brain talking, well, this is basically the only time when I felt this contemporary retelling was par for the course.
As a modern day woman, I find Odysseus far from appealing. I mean, the dude spent ten years sleeping with sea nymphs and then turned Penelope's home into a killing spree. Did he really love her, or did he just feel entitled to his lands, his son, her body? But actually, a quick review of the story proves that maybe I'm being too cynical on that count. In terms of love, at least, they're both incredibly loyal. Which only makes our "Ulysees," who immediately spurs his wife's affections and tries to hitch a ride with Xena, look all the more bad. There's just a lot wrong with his character; by anyone's standards, he's no hero. And that's not just because Xena has to secretly help him string the legendary bow. :p. I can forgive that one.
The man can talk a good talk and hold his own in battle (though apparently the actor couldn't actually keep up with Lucy's moves, and was reduced mostly to head shots,) but what's with the boy toy thing again? As Cher would say, that's so last season. :p. Xena, for her part, didn't seem that interested, but I think the writers really dropped the ball with this issue. They really didn't want to commit to her true feelings, whether she was attracted to him or not. I'm assuming that they kind of wanted her to be, to drive up more drama, but it REALLY wasn't working. First of all, no chemistry. Secondly, his own lack of commitment to his own quest--working so hard to get to Ithaca and Penelope, but then ready to abandon them for the first woman who crosses his path--makes him far less than appealing. I'm having a tough time believing that Xena could ever feel something for someone with so little personal conviction and moral fiber.
My favorite part of the sea journey, no doubt, was Xena trumping the sirens. :p. Again, I have no idea what the show was trying to do with that atonal, inhuman wailing, but give me Lucy Lawless undulating melody any day. :p I'm with you there Ulysees. Other than the sirens, Posidon sends a minor storm and a major case of seasickness for Gabrielle. :p. Cue the comedy. She was already into that role, when she stole back Ulysees's ship from pirates with "seductive" dancing (and occasional bagpipe-assisted ass kicking when the brutes got too close. :p). Fem Pop found this to be a little too over the top, but I enjoyed it. I mean, how else can you treat this episode? :p
Uh...trying to think of anything else pertinent to say about this one before going to my finale graf. Losing more and more respect for this episode all the time. Poseidon was voiced by "Xena" director, Charles Seibert. He mentions Ares's interest in the warrior princess as a way to try to keep her out of his Ulysees affairs; nice bit of world building continuity there. Surely we will see the god of war again someday! SeaQuest was created by the architect of "Farscape," Rockne S. O'Bannon! Ted "Joxer" Raimi played a recurring role. I seem to be stuck in a loop of six degrees of favorite scifi/fantasy shows...I guess I know who I like! Geek Cred.
Ok, so finale. The only part of this episode that truly works...Xena and Gabrielle. Perhaps the most damning aspect to the failed Xena/Ulysees connection attempt is how much chemistry Lucy and Renee really have together. Like when Xena was telling Gabs about love...does anyone really think that had anything to do with our never-to-be-seen-again guest star? Even bringing up the Perdicas subplot only proved how shallow this one was. And how there's more authenticity in Xena/Gabby teasing each other on a recurring basis about the bard's "smell the flowers" philosophy and the warrior princess's stoicism. Man, those gals rocked it as usual this episode. So glad this show is all about them. :D
Disclaimer: Despite Gabrielle's incessant hurling, Ulysses' ship was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Favorite Quotes:
*real flirtation going on here*
Gabrielle: Isn’t it beautiful?
Xena: Yeah, it’s all right.
Gabrielle: It’s all right? You have to learn to smell the flowers.
Xena: What flowers?
Gabrielle: That’s an expression. You have to enjoy the peaceful moments in life. You know, everything can’t be an adventure all the time. Like right now. I want you to close your eyes, and just listen.
Xena: To what?
Gabrielle: To nature speaking to us. It’ll give you a wonderful sense of peace. Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Xena: Seagulls.
Gabrielle: OK, now, what do you-- what do you feel when you think of seagulls?
Xena: I feel irritated because they’re so noisy.
*later, as they watch Ulysees fight pirates*
Gabrielle: Three against one. Aren’t we gonna help him? What are you doing?
Xena: Ah, following your advice.
Gabrielle: What do you mean?
Xena: Just smelling the flowers.
*Gabrielle knows her stories*
Xena: “Those guys don’t like you very much, Ulysses.”
Ulysees: They don’t even know me. They owe their allegiance to someone who doesn’t want me to reach my kingdom.
Xena: And where is your kingdom?
Ulysees: Ithaca.
Gabrielle: “You’re that Ulysses?
*Xena owns the gods*
Posidon: Xena, stay out of this. My nephew, Ares, has a fondness for you. I won’t be as patient with you meddling in my affairs.
Xena: What have you got against Ulysses, Poseidon?
Posidon: He blinded my son, Polyphemus.
Xena: You blinded a Cyclops? I’ve done the same, myself.
Posidon: What was that?!
*oh, the backstories and puns*
Ulysees: On the way back from Troy, we stopped at Polyphemus’ island.
Xena: That doesn’t sound wise.
Ulysees: We needed food. We were hungry. Unfortunately, so was that one-eyed monster.
Xena: Huh.
Gabrielle: He tried to bite off more than he could chew, I take it.
Ulysees: Yep. I definitely wasn’t on his diet.
*war is hell; putting the past behind us*
Xena: Ulysses-- there’s something you should know. At Troy--
Ulysees: You fought with the Trojans against us.
Xena: My only interest there was to stop the war and help my friend, Helen.
Ulysees: That war was madness-- ten senseless bloody years. It’s behind me, now. The only enemies I recognize today are those who stand between me-- and Ithaca. I welcome your help.
Gabrielle: What a man.
Xena: Well.
*Xena and Gabrielle turn from sexy to ass-kicking*
Pirate: So, you like it rough, do you?
Gabrielle: Love it!
Xena: Hey, boys. I want in on the fun, too.
*as Xena plays Florence Nightingale*
Ulysees: For someone who’s so good at splitting heads, you have a very gentle touch.
*the most authentic part of Xena accepting Ulysees’s offer to sail to Ithaca*
Ulysees: We’d be going up against a god. Your friend--
Gabrielle: -- goes where Xena goes.
Xena: I learned a long time ago not to try and leave her out of anything.
*Xena’s Eowyn moment*
Gabrielle: Sirens? Their song is said to call all men who hear it to their death on the rocks of the island.
Xena: All men-- I’m not a man.
Ulysees: Yeah, I’ve noticed.
*subtext mockery of Gabby’s seasickness*
Xena: Hey, Gabrielle, how’s it hanging? Yep, the peaceful grandeur of the sea sure has a kick to it, doesn’t it? Maybe you should just close your eyes and smell the seagulls.
Gabrielle: Xena, I will remember that, in my moment of misery, you chose levity rather than sympathy.
*Ulysees’s modern conception of love, and Xena looking to the wrong soulmate. Talk about foreshadowing*
Xena: I don’t want to get in the way of your homecoming.
Ulysees: No, you wouldn’t. You’d be the best part about it. Xena, I don’t know how to say this. And I’m sure I’m gonna say it all wrong. I mean, I haven’t known you very long, and yet-- in the short time that, I feel that we’ve sp-- I think I’m falling in love with you. I know I’m moving fast, but I’ve never felt like this about any woman. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking—What about my wife? I was just a boy when I was with her. And we were both very shy. I felt like I never really knew her. Sometimes at Troy when I would think of her, I’d wonder if it was her I loved so much, or my ideal of her.
Xena: No, I’m sure she was very special.
Ulysees: She was-- very. Yet, with you-- I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Do you think I’m crazy?
Xena: I don’t know. She believes that everyone has a soulmate on earth made just for them.
*seriously, does anyone think Xena is really talking about Ulysees here?*
Gabrielle: Xena, do you remember what you told me when-- when Perdicas asked me to marry him? You said that seeing me happy would make you happy. I feel the same way.
Xena: Gabrielle, you’ve been so good for me. I don’t think I would ever have let myself feel the way I feel now about Ulysses if it wasn’t for you teaching me how to love.
*iconic lines from mythology*
Penelope: The first man-- who can string this bow—will be my king.
*the right reaction to this plot. Too bad Xena looked unsure*
Ulysees: I don’t believe you. I think you are in love with me.
Xena: Well, isn’t that just a typical man? I give you a few smiles and a kiss, and you’re convinced that I’m in love with you. You’re kidding yourself. I was embarrassed with all that mush you were spewing the other night. The only reason I didn’t shoot you down right then is because I didn’t think you could handle it. So let me lay it on the line for you, Ulysses--You’re not my type.
*Ulysees—not as driven as Odysseus towards his goal. Thankfully he’s got Xena to help him*
Ulysees: Now, enough with the tough talk. I now know what you were doing when you said those things. You were giving me a fair chance to get back with Penelope, and I’m-- I’m afraid it backfired. When I figured out what you were doing, I-- I loved you more than ever.
Xena: What about Penelope?
Ulysees: I don’t love her, anymore.
Xena: Does she love you? She does.
Ulysees: I don’t know if she loves me; I don’t know--
Xena: Ulysses, your kingdom needs you. Your wife needs you. You’re home at last. Whatever you feel toward me will pass.
*…and that’s not the only way. :P*
Gabrielle: Yeah-- she is. Do you think that he knows that you helped him with the bow?
Xena: No-- I don’t think anyone knows, and I want it to stay that way. This is Ulysses’ story. And for years the people of Ithaca will talk about how he bent that bow. It’s the way it should be.
___
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